


Brighter then the sun

by Mommie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, From friends to lovers, Soulmates, and probably there will be smut at some point, but there will be some confusion, first work in a while, no soulmate for everyone, there will be smut i promise, this maybe will be a little bit slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-05 12:09:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mommie/pseuds/Mommie
Summary: When you were just a little child your mother has told you stories of princesses who found their princes and lived happily ever after. You'd loved these stories even though you'd known that they weren't real. But she also told you stories of real people who'd lived life better than any fairy tale. People who said they'd found their soulmates.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay it’s been a really long time since I wrote fanfictions at all. But after reading so many soulmate AUs I needed to get my hands on this topic. And therefore I’m back into my huge Star Trek flash (thanks to my upcoming cosplay group - damn I love these guys and I know we’ll be awesome) I wanted to write about it. 
> 
> Please let me know if you like it and I’m sorry if my English isn’t correct all the time but it’s only my second language and I’m not perfect at it.

When you were just a little child your mother has told you stories of princesses who found their princes and lived happily ever after. You'd loved these stories even though you'd known that they weren't real. But she also told you stories of real people who'd lived life better than any fairy tale. People who said they'd found their soulmates. When you were just a little child you'd believed in these stories even your father had laughed at you and told you on and on that the were just modern fairy tales people had started to tell because they had got tired of the old ones.

When you got older you had started to believe your father. You started to see that people fall in love and also fall out of love. No one said that they'd found their soulmate. Some spoke about their love of their lives but nothing more. You realized the story of finding your soulmate was just another fairy tale your mother told you as bedtime story.

It was when you where 22 years old and you got to accepted to the Starfleet Academy you completely forgot all the bedtime stories your mother been telling you. All that mattered from now on was your career. You wanted to make your father proud who used to be a lieutenant on the USS Kelvin for so many years until it got destroyed. After that your father was forced into a wheelchair unable to walk anymore. He's been telling you all the stories about his trips to other planets, all the fights with Klingons he had, all the lives he rescued during missions. And the great story of George Kirk and how he'd saved over 800 lives. He was a kind of hero for you. Both of them – Kirk and your father. And both of them were the reason why you always wanted to join Starfleet.

Your first year has been a constant up and down for you. Not only that it has been the first time that you have been away from your family all by your own, but you had had to learn how hard it was to become something in life. How to make a dream come true. But never have you been giving up. You may haven't been top of your class but you managed to be at least in the top 10 by the end of the year. You have giving your best but you knew that you could do more so you set yourself the goal that in your second year you would do more and be in the top 10 all the year and by the end of the year in the top 5.

-

It was the first day of the new year. You were just ready to head out of your room which you shared again with your now best friend when she stormed out of the bathroom and looked at you in panic.

“(Y/N)! Damn it I totally forgot to tell you that you were supposed to be at the meeting with the newbies! Commander Wise asked me yesterday to inform you that you and Keith are supposed to introduce you personally as their guides and personal point of contact if they have any problems! But I totally forgot!” Her face turned red and she looked at the floor for a second. “You should meet him at 0800 in the auditorium! I'm sorry (Y/N), I shou-” 

With a shake of your head you interrupted her. “Don't worry Hannah! I was with Keith yesterday when he was told to be there today....so I already know. That's why I'm up so early and on my way to go.” A relieving laugh came out of Hannah's throat. 

“Of course you were with him...should have known. Also by you being already awake and ready. Well...” Another laugh from her and a smile on her lips. 

“See you later in class!” You smiled back at her before turning around and leaving the room.

You were never much of a morning person and it was a really short night for you – mostly Keith was the reason why you came just back at one in the morning. Not that you two have been a thing. More like there been a thing between yourselves going on since last year. You were – how do people call it – friends with benefits. He was two years older than you and really handsome. A lot of girls fancied him including yourself. But he has never been someone for a relationship you found that out very quick. But why not at least enjoy the moments you had with him, you would never know if he maybe changes someday.

A quick glance on your timepiece told you that you're more than just in time. If you would walk right to the auditorium you would be early by 10 minutes. Enough time to get you a coffee on your way there. So you took a turn to your left and headed for the cafeteria. By this time there were barely any people. Since there build in some kitchen in the dorm rooms most cadets prefer to have there morning coffees in their rooms along with some quick breakfast than the overpriced cafeteria. Normally you would do it the same way but today was no normal day so you could make an exception. You took a quick sip from your coffee before you started walking straight to the auditorium again. 

By the time you arrived you were still 5 minutes early. Enough time to drink the rest of your coffee and prepare yourself for what will come. Your eyes wandered around the room. There were still some seats empty for the new ones but also there were still some getting inside. Seeing their happy and exciting – but also afraid – faces made you thinking of your first day. It was just last year but it felt like you've been here for ages already.

“Do you remember our first day?” you heard a deep male voice asking right behind you. 

“How could I forget? You were a pain in my ass right from the start!” you said and turned around to look into the brown eyes of your lover. On his face was a wide grin. Keith Rogers was a very handsome man. He was tall with big shoulders. His hair as brown as chocolate. His eyes just a little bit lighter with this special little yellow ring in the middle. And he was very charming and a gentleman. No wonder that so many girls fell for him. You included. But no girl is really his because he likes to be free and independent like he always says.

“But still you're sleeping with me...so you like this pain in the ass.” His grin got even wider and all you could do is laughing and shaking your head. This guy really got you. Before you could say anything you saw Commander Wise turning around the corner and coming to you. 

“Good morning, Commander Wise!” you greeted him and saluted. Keith did immediately the same.

“Good morning Cadets! Exciting day today!” He looked around like you did some minutes ago. “This years we have some excellent new cadets who will join us.” His eyes wandered through the rows of seats like they were searching for something specific. “I will welcome them. Tell them about their upcoming years here. Showing them everything you got last year. Then I will introduce you two to them. You will give them a little tour across our facility afterwards. Answering as many of their questions as you can. Then you will lead them back to here and leave for your classes.” He turned around to watch both of you closely. “You understand?”

“Yes sir!” both of you said simultaneously. He nodded at you and turned around again to step forward and started to speaking. You listened keenly to his words while you tried to keep you eyes on him. But you couldn't help to watch the newbies listening. Well at least most of them. There was a certain blond guy you seemed t be more interested in the girl in his front than anything that Commander Wise was saying. You couldn't help but wondered why he looked so familiar to you. It seemed like you'd known this guy before but you couldn't remember where from. There wasn't more time to thing about it as you heard the Commander saying Keith's and your names and asking you to step forward. You felt so many eyes on you that you started to feel a little bit embarrassed. It was always difficult for you to be the center of anything and at the moment he spots were all on you.

After the Commander said another few words he send you off to the little campus tour. You split into two groups to make it easier to show them around and went in the opposite directions. You tried to keep every face in your group in mind so you wouldn't lose anyone. One person caught immediately your eyes. It was this pretty guy who wasn't paying much attention on Commander Wise but who's eyes were staring curiously in your direction. He wasn't checking you out like he did previously with the girl but he looked like he tried to remember you. Did you'd met before? You couldn't recall his face completely neither his name. But you had a tour to guide so you but this thought by side. 

“Okay guys. I'm (Y/N)(Y/L/N)! Like Commander Wise already told you I just started my second year. Last year I was in the same position as you're now. Don't want to scare you already...but I want to be honest to you....your first year will be more than just a hard ride. Believe me social life will be something you will forget. If you want to get the best results at least. But okay...come on I'll show you around!” You turned around and started your little tour. And as the Commander had wished you answered as many questions as possible and as much as you knew. 

It was nearly the end of the tour when you got together again with Keith and his group and another person caught your eye. He was smaller than anybody else and seemed also so much younger.

“Keith? Who is that boy there in the back? He is just a kid....” Keith turned around to look at him too before he looked back to you.

“Dunno his name....but he seems like he is a kinda genius...the kid knows a lot....guess he is like...12 or so. Don't care!” With a shrug of his shoulders he kept walking back to the auditorium. Of course he didn't care. But you were very curious about this kid. It was not often that the academy accepted young boys like him. He must have been someone really genius – or his parents were like super rich and gave Starfleet so much money so they would take him in for at least a basic training and an easy job in the end. Maybe you could find out more over the time about him. And also about this other guy who was flirting again with an Orion girl. Seemed like he was more interested in girls than anything other that has to do with the Starfleet. Maybe you wouldn't have to find out anything about him because he would leave faster than one of these Ardanian gerbils could even run.

Commander Wise and a woman you haven't seen before were already waiting for you. They took the group gladly over and thanked you for your work before sending you back to your classes.

“It was fun showing them around. Way better than we had! And damn some of the girls are really hot!” laughed Keith while you were walking to the classrooms. Even though you got already used to it it still hurt a little hear him talking about other girls. But you wouldn't show it.

“It was really fun. And I think some of them could really become someone big.” The rest of the way you walked in silence before you needed to part. “See you later at the gym lesson I guess.”

He nodded. “Unless you want to spend the little breaks between the lessons with something better than talking to others.” There it was again. His wide and bright grin. But he made you laugh and hit his chest.

“Not today tiger...gotta catch up with everyone....see ya!” So you turned around an walked down the hallway to your class.


	2. Chapter 2

The days passed and you started to get back to your studying life. Now that you were in your second years you passed all the basic studies and could focused now on your future career. Your main studies now focused on stellar cartography, your second focus was on diplomatic subjects. Clearly you wanted to to the same things your dad has done but you wanted to improve his work. Be better than he even was. Not everyone could understand why you'd love to explore space and do various cards (in a very old fashioned way on paper), maps and projections and holograms so much. But ever since your dad told you about his work he'd done on the USS Kelvin and on a few ships before you wanted to do the same. Your mom usually found you wide awake in the middle of the night reading books about all the differences of planets and space itself, staring at the sky, drawing pictures of black holes or fractures in space or writing down something you dreamed of that could possibly happen in space an what you want to explore. Usually she called you a little dreamer and that if you won't make it at Starfleet that you would become some writer of crazy but good stories. The latter was never an option for you so you always put this thought by side. Starfleet was everything for you. And one day you would be ready to prove everyone how good you are and who knows where you would be in the end.

It was one of these damn sunny and hot days today in San Francisco. Shady places outside were hard to find and actually you hated summer here. You grew up in Alaska. Summer there wasn't as hot as it was here in California. But gladly the rooms at the academy were all air conditioned so it was way better to stay inside for your breaks. Your friends sometimes forced you to get outside with them but most of the times you got away easily. As you just did today. You sat in a quiet corner of the cafeteria reading one of you school books. Damn, sometimes you were such a nerd. But suddenly some noise distracted you from your learning so that you looked up to see where it came from. Your eyes scanned the large room until you found the source.

There were three guys standing in a circle. You noticed them as classmates from your Inter-stellar Ethnology class. And they were talking and laughing loudly and kin of hiding something from someone. Then was when you noticed the forth person. It was this little boy from newbie tour and he looked desperate and lost trying to get whatever the guys were passing around. You felt sorry for him. He was just so little and small and these guys were all tall and big. He had no chance of getting what they obviously took from him. 

So you put your PADD away and stood up with a sigh. With fast steps you walked over and just took the small piece of wood out of the one guys hand before he could pass it over to the second one. “Guys stop it! What has he done to you that you're so mean?”

“Sweetheart that's non of your business. Give this shit back to us and go back to what ever you have done!” the first guy said looking from your face to your hand an reaching out to take back what you just got from them. But you were faster than him and took a step back, hiding this little piece behind your back and keeping an eye on all the three guys. You know that they would never lay a hand on you. Thanks to your lover Keith for that because everyone respected him so much that nobody wanted to become his enemy by touching any girl who's his – kind of his. 

“Honey....come on. We just joked with our little friend here. Welcomed him properly at the academy. We didn't harm him in any way!” the second guy said but you shook your head.

“Sorry but you won't get it back. Go find you some other playmates or do something productive in your free time!” They looked at you with looks that probably should scare you or make you weak. Well it didn't work on you so they made grunted noises before they glanced at the boy for a second and left the cafeteria. You watched them as they went through the door and around the corner. And then you heard the cutest voice on earth talking to you.

“Zank you wery much!” You turned around and stared at the boy before you. He was like two heads shorter than you and he looked even younger as he looked up to you.

“Ehm...you're welcome...here...” you said and gave him back the piece of wood of him. Actually it was a little wooden figure. Some of these...damn what were their names again?

“Ah zank you again. Zis is my granny's matryoshka. She gawe it to me before she died. Zank you!” He smiled at you with the most innocent an cutest smile you've ever seen. 

“It seemed important to you so well...no problem. You're new right?” 

“Aye, my first year! I vas born in Russia, mowed here vith my family to study here.” he said his Russian accent thick but perfectly understandable. “Pawel Chekov!” He reached out his hand to shake yours. With a smile you took it.

“Nice to meet you, Pavel! I'm (Y/N)(Y/L/N), second year already. Keep your distance from these guys. They won't harm you but they would probably try to mock you whenever they can. Well...and keep your matryoshka save. I think your granny would be sad if you lose it.” With a last smile you turned around and heading back to your seat and got back to your reading.

After a while you got this strange feeling of being watched but you chose to ignore it at first. But after some minutes you couldn't help and looked up. You nearly jumped a little when you looked straight into the face of the little boy you just met. Chekov was sitting right before you and smiling and watching you very interested.

“Pavel...can I help you?” you blinked and looking at him a little bit confused.

“You vere so nice to me...I vanted to talk to you. Maybe ve could be friends.” Yet again you just blinked and still looked very confused. But you also had to smile. He is just a kid and kids are always this kind of naive and sweet. You were never able to say no to a kid. And this one was even something special. He lived in a foreign country and attended the Starfleet Academy at such a young age. He must be a genius and also very brave.

“Ehm...yea sure.” The smile on his face turned into a very wide grin. Damn it this boy's smile was brighter than the sun could ever shine. And it was infectious. You put your PADD away to pay him more attention. 

“Vhat vere you reading? You seemed concentrated...”

“It's one of the school books actually. The basic course of Stellar Cartography, my major. I wanted to be prepared for the upcoming lessons so I started to learn in advance.” 

“Wow you are wery ambitious! I like zat!” 

“How old are you, Pavel? You are...so young...for being here”

“I'm fourteen. And zey say I'm a genius for my age.” Jesus H. Christ, he was really still a baby boy. But a cute one and you could really become friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waited a little bit longer to update even though I’ve already written that part a while ago. So please let me now your thoughts of this.

Time passed by faster as you liked to. Today was your final exam and actually you weren’t really ready for it. Mentally. You were scared to fail even though you knew that you know all the stuff you need to know. You anxiety made you unable to eat properly for two days now. And sleep was something you haven’t had in a week. You felt like a mess and you probably also looked like one. But you needed to to you best because you wanted to be the best. You needed to pass this exam. But your friends were just like you. Everyone was a wrack. Everyone of your friends except for one.

Of course Pavel wasn’t like anyone. He was just in his second year so he’d just have his normal finals. But he’d been your friend for almost two years now. And gosh he was such a good friend and always a sunshine in your life. You became really close pretty fast. There had been days when he followed you around like a little puppy and never stopped talking. Sometimes it had been hard to get along with him and his carelessness. But he got your heart.

You were on your way to the auditorium where the final exams were held by your own. Needed at least a little bit silence before it. But there was someone who wasn’t aware of your wish. A certain Russian boy was shouting your name and running to you. A little smile came on your lips. Of course he would come here even if you’d told him not to do so.

“(Y/N)! Доброе утро (Dobroye utro)!“ He came to a stop right before you, a little bit out of breath and his looks a little bit messy. But his smile was bright as the morning sun.

“Доброе утро (Dobroye utro), Pavel!” you said trying to hide the nervousness in your voice. “What are you doing here so early?”

“I'we vanted to see you before your exam. To vish you luck!” He took your hand and put something in there. As you took a look you saw a little matryoshka lying in your hand. “Zis is for you. Should giwe you luck!” You just stared at the wooden figure. Never have someone gave you anything as a lucky charm. And especially had no guy ever gave you anything. You just figured that you were a lucky girl to call Pavel your friend, probably even your best male friend. The girl who would end up marrying him would call herself the luckiest girl in universe.

“Thank you so much Pavel. Спасибо (Spasibo)! This is really cute! I guess now nothing can go wrong, doesn’t it?” You started laughing a little bit and ran a hand through his hair to make it even messier. “Really..thank you kid. But I have to leave now otherwise I would be late. See you later!”

“Удачи (Udachi)“ With one last smile you continued your way to your exam. In your hand this little matryoshka, your lucky charm for everything now on.

-

Your exam had been not that bad as you thought it would be. You were confident that you would pass it. In just a few days you would know it for sure and hopefully you would also be assigned to a space ship and start off working. But you would still have to wait for this to happen and today – well today was the day you would get wasted pretty much and party with your friends and classmates and pretty much everyone who wanted to join.

“Damn where are my fucking earrings?” you heard your roommate shouting while she was walking through your little dorm. In the meanwhile you tried to put at least some make up on. You’ve never been much of a girly girl when it came to make up. Usually you wore non except maybe for some mascara and if you felt like it some lip gloss. But you felt like being some extra pretty tonight. Not like you needed make up for getting attention and being attractive. But hey why not?

“Have you been looking in the dresser next to my bed? Last time you put them there?”

“Nah I’m fine just found them…in the fridge….how did they get there?” You started laughing. Hannah was sometimes a little bit messy but you loved her. So after you finished your make up you came out of the bathroom and walked to your wardrobe and looked for something to ware.

“I would go for the blue dress! It looks good on you and it matches your eyes perfectly!” Hannah said while putting her earrings on.

“You’re sure?” You took the dress out and hold it right in front of you and looked into the mirror. “And it makes me look sexy.”

“Keith will like it.” You had to grin because she was right he would like it very much.

“Then the blue one it is!” Quickly you put it on and looked at your best friend. “Ready to party and get drunk?”

“Definitely and maybe get me this cute guy from second year. You know this blonde one. The one who had every girl on campus.”

“Everyone except you and me obviously!” Both of you started laughing. “But go and get him. Don’t want him.”

So you both got off your room and to the meeting point of your little party. You’d planned a little party on the biggest green area the campus had. Some classmates had agreed to get drinks, some others would got food and one guy was actually good in doing music so he’d agreed on being the DJ for the night. It sounded like it would be an awesome night and you were so ready to make it your night.

When you arrived there were already a lot cadets were already there and a few seemed already pretty drunk. Hannah dragged you immediately to both of your friends who were standing at the bar.

“Hey guys, we’re here” she said and grabbed some drinks to gave you one of it. Both of you exed them before greeting the others properly. And you were right about Keith liking your dress.

Everyone around you was so relieved that the finals were over. They were all stressed out over the past weeks barely slept like you because no one wanted to fail the final finals. No one wanted to have another year – if it wasn’t really necessary. But tonight no one cared if they’d made it or not. Tonight was about having fun and getting drunk and forget the last weeks.

You were already on your best way of being totally drunk but wasn’t that the plan for tonight? So you got yourself and two of your classmates on the dance floor at some point and swayed you hips to the rhythm of the old Earth music – pretty old stuff from the 21st century but it was still good. Your eyes were closed while you let the music guide your body. There were no actual lyrics with this song but you felt the feeling that it was spreading with every beat. Man, the people of the 21st century knew how to make music an you bet that they had had the time of their lives at parties. It was when someone grabbed your hand that you snapped out of your trance. You looked down to your hand, wandering along the arm of the hand which hold yours, until you reached the face of it’s owner an to looked into this bright face of your favorite Russian.

“Pavel!” you said with a smile on your face bending a little down to hug him. Did he just grew bigger since the last time you’d hugged him? He seemed smaller the last time. Kids are growing so fast so it could be possible. And actually you didn’t care because you were already too drunk to do so. “Are you having fun here? But don’t get too drunk…because you’re actually not allowed to drink anything….you’re still underaged….actually I don’t know if it is okay for you being here at all…it’s well over bedtime…” Okay when did you got so overprotective over him? Not like you were his mother or big sister. God, lucky you were neither of it.

“No, no I’m fine” he said and just smiled for a moment. Then his smile just died and he looked very seriously. You’ve never seen him that serious like now. No matter what he’d always been smiling. “I…uhm…do you hawe a moment…I need to talk to you…alone…” Okay that sounded very serious and you were very concerned about him so you nodded and let him take you away from the speakers and the people to a bench far enough that you still could see the party but the noises weren’t disturbing you. So you sat down next to him looked very worried.

“What’s wrong Pasha?” You’ve never used this nickname for him before even though he’d always asked you to do so.

“I…I zink I’m…I’m in love viz…someone…” He was sitting right next to you but it was hard to understand him even the music was far away. But he spoke so quietly plus the alcohol made it a little bit harder for you to hear.

“Do I have to punch someone for you? Does she still have I boyfriend I need to get rid off for you? Did she hurt you and I need to punch her? Is she from your class? Or is she from another one? Oh gosh…or is it a guy? If you’re gay I’m totally fine with it…you know my little brother’s best friend is gay and I love this boy. And you’re my best friend…I would never reject you because you are gay or so…” You took a deep breath. Sometimes when you were drunk you forgot to breath and talking quite too much.

“No…no I’m not gay…” he said, waving with his hands but still not looking at you. And whether it was the alcohol or your really saw his hands shaking a little bit. You took a closer look at him. He looked sad and confused and desperate. Never have you seen him like that. His feelings for her had to be really deep already if they made him look like that.

“Hey…okay…what’s wrong, Pasha? Being in love should make you happy not sad…” Now he took a deep breath or maybe too an he slowly turned his head to look at you. You had to swallow hard when he looked you in the eyes. The sprinkle which was usually always there was gone and all you could see was the desperation in them. “Did she…rejected you?” He shook his head but kept his eyes looked to yours. “What’s the matter then? Have you already told her about your feelings? No you didn’t right? And that’s the matter, isn’t it?” It was like you and him switched places because usually it was him talking so much and you the one who barely speaks.

“No…no I hawen’t…because…I’m afraid…”

“Afraid of what?” You saw him swallowing hard and taking a deeper breath than before. And now you were sure that he was shaking. His whole body was shaking as he tried to get himself together to find courage to speak of his mind.

“I’m afraid of….losing her…because she is…my best friend….” This was when it hit you right into your stomach. Now it was your breath that was missing. Anxiety took away you breath, made you feel sick all of sudden. Everything around you began to spin around and the alcohol was definitely not the only reason for it. You knew that Pavel just had one friend here on campus, one truly friend, his best friend and it was you. He was in love with you and you haven’t seen it. How long did you already lived with it? How long did he already planned to tell you but found never the right moment?

You nearly jumped off the bench. A little bit too fast because everything around you started to spin around even more but you kept it together. Then you took a few steps backwards, staring at this little boy and seeing his little heart breaking into pieces.

“I’m so-sorry….I…I can’t….” You immediately turned around and started running. You nearly fell sometimes but you kept yourself on your feet. Tears forced their way up into your eyes but you swallowed them away. No you wouldn’t cry now. Not because you broke the heart of your best friend just because he fell in love with you.

And then you nearly fell on the ground as you stumbled over a bigger stone you haven’t seen. But someone grabbed you in a firm grip and kept you just centimeters away from ground. You were lifted up again on your feet. The person looked at you worried while asking you if you were alright. No of course you were not but you wouldn’t say that out loud. Your heart hurt because you hurt someone else you really liked. And you wanted to forget this pain. So either you would get even more drunk and risk to wake up in hospital because of alcohol poisoning or you would just let yourself get fucked so hard that you would forget everything. And the person in front of you seemed like the right person to do so. So your decision was made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Доброе утро (Dobroye utro) - Good morning  
> Спасибо (Spasibo) - Thank you  
> Удачи (Udachi) - Good luck


	4. Chapter 4

The next days passed by not as fast as you wished. The morning after the party you’d nearly ran out of the guys room you had slept with without even knowing who he was. You couldn’t remember his face and as you’d woken up he had his face buried in his pillow. You’d just got dressed as fast as you could and left his room to get to yours. The hungover you had had not been that bad but nevertheless you felt awful. Maybe because you’d remembered what Pavel just relieved to you and that you’d left him all alone with his broken heart. You’d fled from him instead of speaking to him. Explaining that you didn’t feel the same way. But instead you’d ran away and fucked some guy who just had saved you from falling on the ground and hurt yourself. You’d been disgusted with yourself. After you’d gotten home you showered for like hours but still felt dirty and sick. You had been glad that Hannah hadn’t been home so you could order your thoughts.

Later that day when Hannah finally had come home you barely had talked to her about that evening. You’d decided to keep quiet about what happened. But as the days passed and you barely left your room she started to ask questions. For a time she let you get through with lame excuses but that didn’t last long.

“Honestly (Y/N) what’s the matter? It’s been five days since the party and you haven’t left the room for longer than necessary. It seems like you’re avoiding someone.” You flinched a little. She didn’t knew how right she was. Yes, you’ve stayed inside because you’ve tried to avoid meeting the guy you fucked a few nights ago without recognizing him. And of course you avoided to see Pavel again. Although he was your best friend you knew that his heart was more than just broken and you were the reason why.

You got into your uniform for your graduation ceremony. Nearly everyone of your class passed, you and Hannah included. And today was the official ceremony where you not only get you grades but also your assignments to your ships. An actually very exciting day. But you didn’t felt like it at all. With a little sigh you gave in and at least told you best friend at least something that happened. “Pavel and I…we had a fight…I hurt him…really bad…and I know I can’t get it right anymore…”

“Oh sweety…” she turned to you and looked really sorry. She knew how much he meant to you as a friend. Sometimes she mocked you about being in love with him. But she knew that he wasn’t more than a friend to you. “Whatever happened….I know he would forgive you…just give him time…”

“Don’t think so…but yea…I’ll give him time…” but you knew that he would never forgive you. You smiled a little for Hannah. “But I should put it by side….today is the day. We should go.”

“Yes we should!” She took your arm and walked outside. “All I can hope is that we’ll get assigned to the same ship so we don’t have to part.” You chuckled a little. What would you been without her? You loved her and honestly you couldn’t imagine a life without her.

The ceremony itself was very boring. Quite too long speeches from several people and stories about the Federation you already heard a thousand times. It got excited when they started to call everyone up, giving them their grades and also the assignments. As you heard your name called up you suddenly felt kind of sick in your stomach. You’ve never been this nervous in your whole life. But you got yourself up the stage right in front of Commander Pike who congratulated you for not only passed the exams but also for being one of the top students of the class. Your chest filled with pride. You really made it as one of the Top 5 students of the class. Goal (nearly) reached. You knew you father would be proud of you. Sadly he and your mom couldn’t be here with you right now.

“And tomorrow your journey will start on board of the USS Robinson” he said with a kind smile on his face. “Captain Sinclair will await you at 0700 at the shuttle station as his new Assistant Stellar Cartographer. Good luck Ensign (Y/L/N) an make you father proud of you!”

“Yes, sir! And thank you!” You shook his hand before going down the stage and to the others who were already done. It took a while until Hannah was called up and get down to you again.

“Man…I got assigned to the USS Stargazer. My cousin is assigned there too as a nurse. So I can work with her. That’s so cool!” She said as she stand right next to you and looked to you. “Please tell me that you’re there too” And there it came to moment you have to break another one of your friend’s heart. You hated it. But at least it would not be your fault.

“Sadly no. Got assigned to the USS Robinson and it’s leaving tomorrow morning already.” A little sigh came out off your throat and your look got sadder.

“I got assigned there too!” Suddenly Keith said who just happened to stood behind you. “So you don’t have to miss me honey!” You looked behind you and smiled. Maybe this could be good that you got at least Keith on board with you. Not just only that you could continue to have sex with him but also that you have a friend with you.

“Good to have you then…but…” You turned to Hannah again. “…I will miss my best friend so bad.”

She threw her arms around you like you would leave immediately an hugged you tight. “Awww I will miss you too.” You hugged her back and tried to hide your sadness behind a smile. You weren’t allowed to cry right now. Maybe later when you would be alone with her so no one could see your ugly cry-face except her.

Keith told you about a party which would be tonight for all who graduated today. But you decided not to got. Not only because of the fact that you had to get up very early tomorrow but also because of what happened at the last party. It was the best to stay in your room, pack your stuff and be a little bit on your own because you knew that Hannah wouldn’t let this chance out to find this cute guy she wanted to have last time but couldn’t get him because he left too early with some other girl.

Right after the ceremony you and Hannah left for your room. You both had to start packing your stuff. You more than she had to. She would at least have two more days here at the academy before she had to leave. Actually you never had thought that everything would go so fast. Most of the cadets had to wait like at least two weeks or even a month until they would leave to space. You had barely 17 hours. Without noticing you sighed heavily so that Hannah turned to you asking what’s wrong. You looked at her for some silent minutes like it was the last time you would see her in your life. It already hurt to know that in the morning you had to leave her behind and probably won’t see her for years. Or maybe never again. Space was a dangerous place and also a large one. You couldn’t know what the future hold. You couldn’t say what the ext day in space would be like. So many things could happen out there.

“It’s all happening so fast….” your voice was a little bit quiet and rough. The sadness in it was clearly heard. “…too fast…I…damn I already miss you even though you’re standing right in front of me.” A husky laugh arose from your throat. “I sound like a wife that is saying good bye to her husband before he leaves for a mission.” Now Hannah also laughed and came over to you to throw her arms around you tight. You returned it and held her close. Both of you couldn’t help but started to cry. Sharing such a deep friendship like you did was something special. But you were more than just best friends, you became somewhat like sisters over the few years together. So many things bound you together and you know that even space could separate you two. You would be always where the other was – in your hearts.  
+  
“I miss you too…but I know we will see each other and one day we work on the same spaceship.” You loved her for her optimism. She never saw the bad in things but only the good ones. And she inspired you with that.

“Yea we will! As soon as possible!” Both of you got rid of your tears and smiled at each other.

“How about we get into some more comfort clothes and get over to the cafeteria having one last good earth coffee and a piece of cake?” Sounded perfect to you so you agreed and changed as fast as you could into a pair of jeans and a tank top. You waited for Hannah to finish doing her hair and then you left together and had your last cup of coffee and piece of cake together.

-

When the evening came and Hannah left for the party nearly all your stuff was packed. Some thing would be send to your parents back in Alaska but some stuff would you take with you. Like some pictures and holograms of your family and friends. As you grabbed a hologram of you and your sibling you knocked over something. Your heart clenched as you saw what it was. It was the little matryoshka Pavel gave you a few days ago. You took it into your hand and looked at it. His heart broken face came back to your mind and you nearly wanted to throw away the wooden figure and scream. But you closed you hand tightly over it and pressed your lips together. It’s been five days since you lost him. At least that’s what you thought. What if he wasn’t that mad at you as you thought? What if he just thought that you needed time to make up your mind about it and gave you this? What if he was just waiting for you? But what if he was so much heart broken that he would do something really silly? Your heart stopped a few split seconds as a image of Pavel covered in blood came to your mind.

Instantly you shook your head. No, no he wouldn’t do such things. And neither would you allow him to be sad anymore – if he was. Hannah was right earlier this day, he would forgive you that you left. He has never been someone who was mad with someone for long. And if you would explain the reason you left he would understand. And you could leave the next day without the regrets of not talking with him about it. You definitely had to talk to him. So you grabbed your jacket, put it on and put the matryoshka in your pocket because nevertheless you wanted to give it back to him because it belonged to him.

You didn’t know whether maybe he was at the party too or he was staying in his room alone. Or with another girl, doing things with each other that bought him more than joy. Again you shook your head. Why would you care if he was with another girl? He may had told you that he has been in love with you but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t sleep with another girl. In the end you just dumped him five days ago and he had all the rights to have sex. You also had sex with another guy, so no big deal. But it bothered you somehow even though you didn’t knew why.

As you reached to party you looked around, keeping yourself hidden in the shadows so no one would see you. There was no way to be sure that Pavel wouldn’t be here but as far as you could say he didn’t seem to be here so you went on to his room. It’s been a while since last time you have been there but you hadn’t forget the way and the room number. It didn’t take you long to get there. And now you were standing there. Looking at the silver gray door and doing nothing. You raised your hand after a few moments, ready to knock but you stopped yourself. What kept you from just knocking? In the worst case he won’t open you or he would open you and tell you to leave him alone. It would hurt but you would understand his reason. So why was your hand shaking? Why were you so nervous? Slowly you dropped your hand and took a deep breath. You tried to encourage yourself to do this small thin and knock. Your hand rose like all by itself again and you hear the knocking sound. Your heart started to race now that it was too late to turn around and go.

The first few seconds of waiting felt like minutes. Then you heard a noise from the inside, like someone was walking through the room and to the door. The seconds before the door opened felt like an eternity. And than you saw this known little messy mop of blonde hair and this pair of blue eyes right in front of you. But the gleam that was usually in them was not there. They looked pale and tired to you. Suddenly your throat was as dry as a desert. You didn’t knew what to say. It wasn’t like you’d known before what to say but now there was no word there to come out.

“H-hey…” His voice sounded rough and also deep like he hasn’t spoken in a while. But the boy was nearly sixteen could also been that his voice was now breaking and about to become darker. His eyes told you that it wasn’t that way. He was hurt. So damn hurt that it hurt you even more. But you took a deep breath and tried to find your voice again by clearing your throat.

“Hi…I…uhm…can…can I come in?” You looked down at him with sad eyes and saw him slowly nodding before he stepped aside to let you in. A very small smile got on your lips for barely a second and you got in. The room was dark except for a few lights from some electrical equipment and a little lamp on the side table next to his bed. He was clearly alone, his room mate probably at the party. You took a few steps inside tried not to step on anything or to stumble against something.

“Vait a sec..I’ll turn the lights on…” he said but you shook your head not sure if he could see it where you were standing.

“No it’s fine…I like it that way….” So would it possibly be easier to talk to him while not seeing the full sadness in his face. You swallowed hard and looked around looking for something to sit on. But he hadn’t enough space for a table with chairs or a couch so there was just his and his room mate’s beds.

“You…can sit down on my bed…” he said probably saw what you were searching for. You nodded and walked to his bed and sat down. Your whole body was tensed up and your heart was racing again so fast that you thought it would jump out of your chest any second. Both of you stayed silent for some time and you could swear that the tension was so thick that you could cut the air into pieces. But then finally he made the first step. “Vat do you vant?”

“I…I wanted to…” Actually what did you wanted? You didn’t even know anymore and you doubted that you ever had known it. Your eyes were an the ground, you hadn’t the guts to look him in the eyes if you even could do so in this darkness. The thoughts in your head spun around very fast. What did you wanted from him? There had to be a reason why you decided to come here. “…I….wanted to apologize….for…leaving you…”

You heard him sighing before you heard him walking towards the bed and sitting down next to you. Leaving enough space between you that you could barely feel the bed moving. “It’s okay….I should hawe known better…” The sadness and the pain in his voice made you want to hug him but you couldn’t but it made you raising your head and turning it slightly towards him to look at him. He didn’t looked at you. Like yours before his eyes here on the floor. In this nearly darkness he looked much older but also sick. You flinched as you realized that you were the reason why.

“No. No I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have left this way…” You had to breath deeply to keep control over your feeling that started to rise. “I was drunk…and I…I panicked. But at least…I should have say something to you instead of….running…”

“You did. You'we said zat you’re sorry….and zat you can’t….” With this sadness in his voice his accent sounded even heavier and it was difficult to understand him. “I shouln’t told you vat I feel…it vould be better.” The urge to reach out for him and to touch him ran throw your muscles but you forced yourself not to do so. You could do so much worse by it.

“Don’t say that. You’re actually the first boy who ever told me that he…was in love with me. No one ever said that.” Not even the few actual boyfriends you had before you started at the academy. “But…I’m sorry…I’m not in love with you. Not that way.” Your heart clenched like it knew it was a lie. But all you could say that it wasn’t at least you said so.

“Все нормально (Vse normal'no). Don’t vorry. I’m okay.” The lie in that wasn’t something you could miss hear. And it hit you hard again. So bad that your eyes filled with tears. You lost the fight over your feelings. Silently the tears rolled down your face and your body started shaking. You’ve never wanted to hurt anybody in your life. But you did. And you also hurt yourself with that.

“I-I’m sorry…I…” again you swallowed hard, also so make your voice sound more stable. “I hurt you so bad…but I didn’t want to….I’ve lost my best friend because I’m such a bad person.”

That was when Pavel looked up to you and saw into your wet face. “No!” was all he said when he took your face into his hands, wiping away your tears and shaking his own head. “No! You’re not a bad person. You are vonderful and honest. And you…did not lost me…” You sniveled and looked at him. He was hurt, clearly he was, but he was not giving up on you. He didn’t pushed you away like you probably would have done. He had such a big heart. To big for one person.

“Pavel…” you said quietly and in the next moment you found yourself in a big hug. You couldn’t stop yourself from crying even more by this. But these had been tears that should have been released sooner. And it was good to let the out while this Russian boy held you tight and saying kind words to you. Trying to calm you. Even though you couldn’t understand everything because sometimes he switched into Russian and your Russian wasn’t that good that you were able to understand. But nevertheless he calmed you with his now softer voice.

“Eweryzing vill be alright…ve are still friends okay?” It should been you saying these words. You were older than him. You should be there for him. Giving him some piece of advice. Telling him that time would heal the wounds of his heart. Promising him that you would respect his feelings but you want to stay friends. But no, he was the one telling these. Giving you comfort. Drying you tears. Because it was you who was more heart broken.

After a few minutes in silence – or was it more? You couldn’t tell – you got out of his arms, rubbing your face with your hands to get it dry from your tears. You got back some distance between the two of you but not as much as before. Both of you didn’t know what to say so you just kept the silence. You didn’t look at each other but your eyes were on the other. His on your hands, yours on his feet. You tried to find some words. Something to break the ice again. But as much as you tried to find some topic you couldn’t do so. Somehow you started moving your arm, rubbing at your pocket of your jacket. This was when you felt the little wooden figure in it. You got it out and held it out to Pavel.

“This is yours…” you said with a quiet voice. “It gave me much luck in my exam. Thank you for giving it to me.” You grabbed his hand and wanted to put it inside it but Pavel moved his Hand over yours and closed it.

“No please. It’s yours. Keep it.” Finally he looked at you again with a small smile on his lips that you missed so much. “It vill keep you safe. You vill need it on ze USS Robinson.”

“How did you know?” - “I vas zere. Needed to see you. I’m sorry.”

He was there at you’re ceremony just because he needed to see you? You cursed at your inside that you couldn’t make yourself fall for him. He was the sweetest thing on earth. Yet again you thought that the girl who would end up as his girlfriend or even wife would be the luckiest. This boy would grow into such a nice man that at some point he would no longer be alone and heart broken because the girls would fall for him in seconds. And if you wouldn’t know better you would say that you felt jealous about it. Not for him that he would have the chance of getting so many girls but for you not being that woman at this point anymore.

“Thank you!” You said and gave him instinctively a quick kiss on his cheek. “I will keep it close and save.” Your eyes met his and you still could see the sadness in them but there was this little gleam he always had started to come back. It would take time to him to heal but you knew that you hadn’t lost him. He was still your friend. And maybe when you’ll meet again in some years you could act normal around each other. All it needed was time….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it. 
> 
> Leave me some comment what you think


	5. Chapter 5

It was another peaceful day in space. Nearly too peaceful for your taste but that was life on the USS Robinson. It was not really on dangerous missions because it wasn't actually a battle ship. More was it a discovery ship. You explored parts of the galaxy that was known to be peaceful but hasn't been fully discovered yet. It's been now five years since you graduated and set off with the USS Robinson. There wasn't a day that you regretted to be here outside in space. But you got bored from time to time. Your captain has been a kind man who gave you all the freedom he could to do your job at the side of Lieutenant Grasgo. But since your captain sadly had passed away two years ago things on board changed under the new captain. Sometimes it was difficult for you with him because it happened that Keith became the new captain and both of you still had this sex thing going on. You may have been in love with him over the time at the academy but as your lives started on board things between you began to change. Your feelings had started to change. He'd become just a normal friend to you after seeing him being with nearly with every woman on board. You wanted even to end this thing with him but you never got the change to say so. He made it clear to you that you are his even though you weren't exclusive. Any attempt to leave him got you into trouble or got you a hit in your face. He was the one who changed the most over the years. While he was a sweet and kind guy at the academy and an asshole from time to time but also a gentleman he now became a full-time asshole who wasn't kind at all anymore. You didn't know what changed him so much but you wished that he would get back to his old self.

“Lieutenant (Y/LN/)?” you heard someone calling your name while you tried to focus on the new version of a hologram of the planet you visited lately. You looked up and saw into the face of the Second Commander of your ship.

“How can I help you, Commander? Is anything wrong?”

“The captain wanted to see you on the bridge.”

“You know the easiest way is to just call me over the communication system of the ship.” You put away you PADD and turned of the hologram station you worked on.

“He wanted me to get you personally. There is a message from Starfleet as far as I know. Something important.” You swallowed. Messages directly from Starfleet to one person specifically was never good. Whether there was something with your parents or they wanted to throw you out. These were the only opportunities that came to your mind. But you hoped it was none of it. So you followed the Commander to the bridge. The thoughts were spinning around while you walked. Lately life hasn't been good to you so you only expected the bad things now. As you entered the bridge Keith spun around and looking at you but all you could see was Commodore Paris' face on the screen.

“Captain, Commodore...you wanted to see me?” Keith's expression wasn't really friendly or happy at all. You would probably be thrown out of Starfleet.

“Lieutenant (Y/L/N) it's good to see you. I hope you're fine. I already informed Captain Rogers about the upcoming change in your working condition.” Commodore Paris said in a calm voice with a little smile on her face. Okay now it was more than clear to you that you would be thrown out. “He isn't very pleased by it...”

“The hell am I. By all respect Commodore but you take one of my best Lieutenants from me. One of the best Stellar Cartographer from Starfleet.”

“And as I told you that's the reason I will get her of the ship. The Enterprise needs her more than you do. With Lieutenant Grasgo you have an excellent one already. You don't need both of them.”

“Than take him. He is also perfect for the Enterprise!”

“Captain Kirk made it clear that he wants the best that's still young and not as old as Lieutenant Grasgo. And we also think Lieutenant (Y/L/N) would be a perfect match for the Enterprise's crew.”

You were standing there, hearing what the both of them had to say but the words barely reached you. They didn't want to throw you out. They just wanted to transfer you to the best ship of the Fleet. The one ship you secretly dreamed of to be on board because it goes to places far far away where no one has been before. You could explore so much more on the Enterprise than here on this ship.

“...(Y/L/N)? Lieutenant (Y/L/N)?” You snapped out of your thoughts while Commodore Paris was saying you name repeatedly.

“I-I'm sorry, ma'am. I was lost in thoughts.” Your eyes looked to hers and you still thought you were dreaming. “You want to transfer me to the Enterprise?”

“Yes! There will be a shuttle ship waiting for you near Exel which will get you here to Yorktown just in time for the Enterprise to arrive here too. We expect you in about 4 days. You should reach Exel by tomorrow morning if you go slow. We'll see each other in 4 days Lieutenant!” That's when the connection was cut of. And you still didn't know what to do or to think about it. You'll work on the Enterprise. You'll get away from this boring ship and finally get into adventures. These were some hell of news to you and you started to grin.

But your grin died as soon as you looked at Keith. He wasn't pleased by this at all. As he rose from his seat and walked towards you you knew that he wouldn't be gentle on you tonight. But in all his professionalism he put away his anger for now and smiled a little be as he stood before you. 

“I would say that's one hell of a promotion for you. Congrats (Y/N)! I'm proud of you!” He hugged you tight as friends to but he said quiet words into your ear which made you shiver. “I expect you tonight in my quarters. You'll scream my name so you won't forget it and me.” The he let you go and smiled again at you. “So...you got the rest of the day off to pack your stuff and saying good bye to everyone. You can go, Lieutenant!”

“Thank you, sir!” A little nod from you before you turned around and left the bridge. The realization of what just happened minutes ago rose slowly inside you but it didn't seemed to get into your head. As you reached your room the first thing you did was sitting down on your bed. So you were transferred on the USS Enterprise within the next days. This was a big step in your career. You'd be on the best ship the Starfleet had. You'd have the opportunity to do such a great work. And you bet that the crew would be the best the Starfleet had. That made you wonder who actually was part of the crew because you knew nothing about it. So you pushed the little button on your night stand.

“Tell me about the crew of the USS Enterprise.” You said and heard a little sound from your computer console at the wall before it started to speak to you.

“The USS Enterprise has 400 crew members. The captain is James Tiberius Kirk, 29 years old...” You didn't listened anymore after hearing his name. First you thought you misheard it but after asking the computer again it confirmed it. The son of George Kirk was really the captain of the USS Enterprise. The son of your childhood hero was your new captain. That was going to be very interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was just a little filler chapter to get a little bit further but not much.
> 
> Let me know what you think of it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me forever to continue this story. At first life got me really hard. Then my muse left me. And the well it got a little bit into the dark corner of the forgotten things (actually I'm barely on my laptop to be reminded that I want to write this story)
> 
> But well now I'm back. Can't promise that there will be a regular upload this time but I try my best.
> 
> This chapter was also already finished on my laptop (like I said I'm barely on my laptop - or I was it) but I actually wanted to have a chapter in advance before I would upload a new one. But I could let you guys wait any longer.
> 
> Next chapter is in the making ;)

Yorktown was amazing to see from the outside but as you stepped out off the shuttle ship and got a better look on the inside and it was even more amazing. How did this is even possible to exist like it does? It was stunning.

“Lieutenant (Y/L/N)!” You heard someone saying your name. As you looked around you saw Commodore Paris waiting for you. With a smile you walked over to her and saluted. “Good to see you. A little bit earlier than I expected you.”

“I may or may not have forced them to add a little bit extra speed” you joked making her smile just a little. 

“Let me show you around and let us talk about your new assignment.” So you followed her around Yorktown. Damn it was such a beautiful starbase. The way it was built in this giant glass ball, playing around with the gravity. You just loved it. While walking around Commodore Paris told you a little bit about it. It felt a little bit like a sightseeing tour. But as soon as you entered her office everything changed into business mode for her. You talked about you and your previous work on the USS Robinson, all the achievements you reached. She spoke highly of you from what she got from Lieutenant Grasgo and also from your former captains. You were impressed how the others thought of you especially Keith. He never told you that he was so fond your work. Sadly he never told you personally maybe you would have done even a little bit better back then. After that she told you about your work on the Enterprise that was waiting for you. She told you everything you needed to know and everything you wanted to know. You had so many questions in your mind.

Both of you didn't watched the time while talking so it happened that you missed the arrival of the Enterprise. You were interrupted by a firm knock on the offices door. Commodore Paris allowed them to enter and you turned around to look into a face you've seen before.

“I don't want to interrupt you but you gave me the orders to immediately get to you when we arrived. So here I am Commodore Paris.” No one other than James T. Kirk was entering the office with a bid smile on his lips. You really haven't noticed him back at the academy but now that you see him you had to hold back a laugh. Of course the handsome guy from a year after you had to be your new captain. Why didn't you knew back than that this has been him?

“Captain Kirk, I'm must be sorry for not being there to get you personally” she said and stood up from here seat. “But Lieutenant (Y/L/N) and I were a little bit too much consumed by over conversation. So can I introduce you to your new Stellar Cartographer Lieutenant (Y/N) (Y/L/N), Captain Kirk?” You rose from your seat to and smoothed your uniform before holding out your hand. 

“It's an honor for me to be signed on you ship, sir!” He smiled at you and grabbed your hand.

“The pleasure is mine. I heard much of you and I'm happy that you'll be on my ship.” He made you blush with his words. You weren't really used to compliments like this so it was an easy game for him.

“Good that both of you are happy to work together soon. Shall we talk about it a little bit more together?” Commodore Paris said and pointed at the seats in front of her. Both of you nodded and sat down and started to talk a little bit more about your work and especially the Enterprise. 

Kirk and you left the office a little later. You walked a while in silence next to each other until you got outside. This is when both of you turned to each other.

“So Miss (Y/L/N) what do you think of getting to know the crew? We are having a little party tonight...and I would like to introduce you to the rest” he said with a smile on his face.

“Sounds great, sir. When and where should I meet you?” He told you the exact time and location and with a little wink he walked away. Damn you really regret it that you haven't been with him back at the academy. He was more than handsome but now that he was your new captain he was out of the race. But you could always dream of it. 

-

Most of the waiting time until you would meet the crew you spent in your temporary quarters with reading and some research of stuff you couldn't find on the USS Robinson. You took a quick shower before you got into one of your favorite dresses and put your hair in a ponytail. A look into the mirror showed you that you look quite acceptable for meeting the crew. So you took off to the meeting place where Kirk was already waiting for you outside.

“Lieutenant, it's good to see you” he said and smiled at you with his oh so sweet smile. You returned his smile with one of your best.

“I hope I didn't let you wait for long.” 

“You are even a little bit early but everyone is already here. So shall we?” He pointed to the door and started walking towards it. And of course he was a gentleman so he pulled it open for you and let you walk in first. How attentive of him to do so. You stepped inside and already heard the chatter of people. A little bit nervousness made it's way through your veins. When was the last time you've been so nervous? And it was ridiculous to be honest because you were just going to meet your new crew – hundreds of eyes would be on you at one. Okay this was actually something you didn't like at all. A steady hand on your lower back got you out of your thoughts. You looked up straight into the captains eyes. “They won't bite. At least if you don't want anyone to do so.” A little chuckle of him. “An they are excited to meet you.” You nodded and smiled. After you took a deep breath you followed him into the room and looked around. So many people were there, so many unknown faces. Yet unknown. With time you will get to know them. Maybe not every one but most of them you guessed.

“Everyone listen please!” Kirk shouted, asking for everyone's attention. After all of them turned around and getting together he continued to speak to them. “May I introduce you to our newest crew member and new Chief Stellar Cartographer Lieutenant (Y/N)(Y/L/N)?” Now all eyes turned to you and they raised their glasses and greeted you.

“Ehm..hi everyone” you said a little bit shyly but tried to smile. “It's nice to meet you...and I hope we'll have a good time together.” Seeing them nodding and smiling at you made you relax a little bit. They seemed nice after all. At least at first sight. But suddenly a few started to mumble an moving out of the way of something or someone. 

“(Y/N)? Is zat you?” you heard someone with a familiar voice and accent asking out of the crowd. A few seconds later a blond curly head on a slender but tall body came out of it. You had to blink several times to make sure you weren't dreaming. But your vision didn't fool you.

-

There he was, standing right before you and you couldn't quite believe your eyes. Your little Russian boy turned into a good looking young man. He was now taller than you but he still got this bright smile and this gleam in his eyes. His curls were a little bit less messy but still messy enough. 

“It's really you...” you said while staring at him and slowly starting to smile. After all these years you haven't expected to see him again neither to be so happy about it. Accounted for your separation. 

He nodded fast and his smile got even brighter. “Yes it's me!!” You couldn't stop yourself to throw your arms around his waist and hug him tightly. He returned it immediately. “It's so good to see you again.” His voice got a little bit darker over the years you noticed but it sounded wonderful in your ears.

“Glad to see that I could reunite some old friends!” you heard Kirk saying with a little chuckle and you let go of Pavel to look at him. “I think you have a lot to catch up to. It's been a while since the time at Starfleet Academy. Grab a drink an something to eat. You can get to know the rest of the crew another time. Not that we would ran away from you.” A quick nod from you and you went off with Pavel by your side to get something to drink and sit down on the couches at the one side of the room. 

At first both of you didn't really know what to say. You parted as friends but on a very hard level as you remembered. Back then you'd broke his heart but time must have healed it. He seemed as happy as before. He had to be a women magnet by now with his looks. He really grew into a handsome man. The girls on the Enterprise had to have a really hard life with someone like Pavel and their captain on the ship. You couldn't help but finding yourself staring at this now man. Oh how much you missed this beautiful smile of his. You couldn't help but smile at him to.

“You look good” he said and took a all-over look over your body. “Still really beautiful.” 

“Thank you” you answered and blushed even a little bit. “You've grown...much. Last time we saw each other you've been a lot smaller.” Both of you laughed.

“May be true. I got older and bigger.”

“The girls must love you. With all your charm and the look.” Now he was the one who started to blush. 

“Maybe...but I'm not as popular as the Keptin...” You could tell the reasons for it but you also had to admit that Pavel was close to him. With a shy look his eyes met yours and a smile got on his lips. “It's so good to see you again, (Y/N). I zogt I would never see you again. And now you got on ze Enterprise too. So we can work togezer!”

“I'm happy about that too. There is a lot we have to catch up!” 

So you both started to share your experiences over the years. Trying to tell the other as much as possible. It was like you've never actually parted or had a fight – or whatever you wanted to call what happened before you left. You were so deep in your conversation that you barely noticed that Kirk left the party and came back after nearly two hours. It was when you hear him shouting for everyone's attention that you an Pavel turned to him.

“I'm sorry for all of you who maybe had some plans for tonight or the next days. But there has been an incident that needs our full attention. We're the only ship and crew that is capable to do this. I want all of you at the deck in 20 minutes!” His eyes were searching for you until they found you. “This includes you now too, Lieutenant! Get yourself dressed in our new uniform!” You just could nod before he left. Actually you thought that you would at least get a few days before you would leave with your new crew. Well faith was never on your side when it came to your plans.

You felt a hand on your should and when you looked behind you you found yourself looking into Pavel's eyes again. Damn they were so beautiful. Somehow your heart suddenly filled with so much relief and happiness. You didn't actually knew why but it felt like you found a part of you again.

“Everyzing will be alright! Vat ewer ve hawe to do!” He smiled at you before he also left the room. You left soon after him for your quarters. They already left you some fresh uniforms which you put on immediately. Your heart was pounding heavily in your chest. There was a kind of nervousness raising inside you but also a feeling you couldn't define. You haven't felt that way before. Some kind of happy and free but mixed with anxiety and the feeling of losing something again. But it also felt not like your own feelings. It was like you also felt what someone else was feeling. But that wasn't possible. You shook your head and left your room, heading for the docks.

Everyone was bustling around, getting their stuff on board. You took a deep breath before you steppe inside and made your way through the corridors. When the time has come you need to get a proper walk around here to get to know everything. But now was not the time for it. You asked around to find your office. When you stepped inside you were overwhelmed by the size of it. The office you'd shared with Grasgo was nothing compared to this. You had everything you needed and even more. You couldn't wait to start working properly. Slowly you walked through the room, your fingers touching all the consoles and buttons and whatever. 

“Hope it's satisfying you to work here. We have the newest technology on board.” someone said standing in your doorway. You turned around and looking to the man. He was a Vulcan. “I'm sorry if I scared you. This wasn't my intention. My name is Commander Spock, First Officer of the Enterprise.”

“It's nice to meet you, Sir. I assume you already know about me.” A slightly nod from him in agreement. “I think I could work with all this here very well. Therefore I have to admit the view up in space will be amazing thanks to this.” You pointed to the big window pane. Then you turned your attention back to Spock. “When will we leave?”

“In about 5 minutes. The captain will soon speak to all of us and will give us more information. We'll see us later, Lieutenant (Y/L/N)!” He left the room while you took a seat on your new desk. Working here would be a pleasure.

Spock wasn't lying. Exactly 5 minutes later Kirk announced their departure. It just had been a few hours but it felt like ages that you've been in space. And to be honest you already missed it. The space gave you a feeling of total freedom. And this freedom was nothing someone could take from anybody. Not even what ever was waiting there for you where you were heading to. You haven been more wrong in your entire life. But you couldn't knew what was waiting there for you.


	7. Chapter 7

You haven't thought that being with the Enterprise on your first mission would end with you being a hostage of some crazy guy who had definitely something against the Federation. What was his name again? Kroll? Crowl? Krall? It doesn't matter. You were one of many hostages now and you didn't knew how you could get out alive. Maybe it would have been a little bit easier if your body wouldn't hurt that bad. Without any medical examination you could just assume that you broke like two to three ribs on you left side and you had a fracture on your right leg. It really hurt but you couldn't do much than breathing as good as possible and keep your mind elsewhere. Which actually wasn't that hard. Because as you noticed earlier there were a lot of your new crew members – who you could remembered in that short time – where missing. Whether dead or they were able to escape these guys that kept you hostage. Whatever it was, the captain, Lieutenant Spock, the doctor – you thought that McCoy was his name – an especially Pavel weren't under the hostages. And you hoped that it wasn't a bad sign. That they survived and not ended up dead in space or on this planet. Especially you hope it for Pavel because you just got him back into your life.

Something in your gut told you that he was alright and save. Some kind of strange feeling rose inside you. Like you could really feel that he was fine. That he felt some kind of relief of an unknown reason. The pain was messing with your head obviously otherwise you couldn't really think that you actually feel what he was feeling.

 

When the pain got too strong again you sat down with the help of some crew member and leaned against the wall. You took some deep breaths as good as you could to not throw up because the pain made you feel sick. Slow and carefully you closed your eyes and let your body decide whether it was giving you some rest or not. To your luck your body was willed to give you some rest and you slipped into some restful sleep.

 

_The sun was shining bright. The wind blew through the trees next to you and the grass under you. It was a beautiful summer's day. You enjoyed every minute of it. Because your friends were with you. There was some girlish laugh not far away from you. Someone next to you hummed some old song. And there was someone laying his head on your stomach, talking about what he wanted to do when he was like ten years older. You were stroking his head through his golden lock. There was a big smile on your face. Oh how much you liked to listen to his stories and wishes. He was always so enthusiastic. You knew that you would never get enough of his talking. And you would never stop to love him with all your heart. He was the man you always dreamed of._

 

You woke up with your heart racing and heaving panting. This has been a strange dream. It felt so real but you knew that it wasn't. And there was this odd feeling that you knew the man in your dream but as much as you tried to remember his voice you couldn't thought of who it was.

 

There wasn't much time to think of it any further because suddenly some of your wardens started to shout something in an to you unknown language. You tried to stand up but somehow your body didn't thought of working. A few of your crew members saw it and gave you a sign to stay on the ground while they shielded you against the watch of the wardens. You didn't see what was going on but you heard one of them start talking in English about something he was looking for. Then there was screaming than there was silence again. Then everyone was shoved to a different place to stay. Two others helped you up quickly and hold you until you could sit down again. Nobody told you what was going on. All they said was that this Krall guy got something from Ensign Syl and took her and Lieutenant Uhura. Though no one of you knew what was going on everyone knew that it was nothing good and that maybe this will be a fight for life and death. But you decided that until this fight starts you could also rest and save as much energy as you could. So you drifted back to sleep and into another strange dream.

 

_It was like you couldn't breath. He was taking away you breath. In a good kind of way. He kissed you like no one did before. He hold you like you would disappear every second. Like you did before. But now was not back then. Now you stayed right where you belonged for such a long time. When he broke the kiss he said something. First you couldn't understand the language then you could see his mouth moving but you didn't heard anything. Then everything started to spinning around you. The man in front of you disappeared, left you in this twisting darkness of nebula. Fear rose inside you. You looked around you just to panic even more because you couldn't see anything except darkness. But then you saw a light. It was so small but you could see it in the distance. You tried to run to it. But you barely got a step forward. The light still in the far distance. Again a wave of panic washed over your body. You knew you had to reach the light to get out of this misery. But you couldn't reach it. You would forever be trapped here. You would never see again your loved ones. You would lose everything. Pasha. Especially you would lose him again. You beloved Pasha. A tear rolled down your cheek. Then suddenly you felt a strange feeling again. A little tickle like when you where beamed. The light in the distance started to glow. Brighter and brighter until you were surrounded by light. A warm feeling wrapped itself around you. Hugged you tight and stoke you gentle at the same time. Your body eased slowly and you started to feel safe again._

 

It took some time 'til you could see your surroundings when you'd open up your eyes. You immediately noticed that you laid on your back on a hard surface with soft spots. Were you still in this kind of cavern these guys bought you in? No the ceiling looked too smooth. You couldn't remember that it was that smooth when you fell asleep. From what you could see it looked like the ceiling of a...no this couldn't be one of a spaceship. Unless these strange guys took you in your sleep and bought you on one. But that wouldn't make sense since there would be no use of you because you were wounded. So where the hell where you?

 

You tried to get up but then you felt some kind of strings around your arms, chest and legs. Panic started to take over when you rattled on the strings but they didn't bend. You were tied to this kind of bed while you didn't knew where you were. How could you not get into panic?

 

“Lieutenant (Y/L/N)? Please stay calm!” you heard a manly voice say. Who was this? It sounded familiar but you didn't know why. “It's me Doctor McCoy.” Dr McCoy? But he wasn't with you on the planet. So what... “We rescued you and the others.”

 

“Where...are...we?” You voice was husky and you throat dry. You needed water.

 

“The captain found a ship. Actually it's the USS Franklin. Long story. But we're about to leave Altamid and follow Krall. He is going to Yorktown. When we are back in space I can look after your injuries as good as possible with these...” but he didn't get further because the ship started to move. And in this moment you knew why you where tied to this bed. Otherwise you would be thrown around the med bay like some play ball. The feeling when you left the atmosphere of the planet and entered the galaxy was kind of reliving. It's been just a few moments when the doctor was by your side and untied you.

 

“How are you feeling, Lieutenant?” he asked with a calm voice an checked me with his tricorder. 

 

“I'm thirsty...” Immediately he got you some water. You emptied the cup at once and then you told the doc where it hurt and what had happened to you. While he was trying to fix you he told you what happened before. Apparently you weren't sleeping previously but completely out. The doc landed on the planet along with Mr. Spock. Somehow the captain found them. Mr. Scot and Pavel had been with him. Along with a woman called Jaylah. Everyone was saved. And now you were on your way to Yorktown to stop Krall.

 

There was not much time left for you to talk to the doctor and get more details. The captain called out for him as soon as they were near Yorktown. You couldn't tell what was going on, the nurse was keeping you on your bed. Doctor's order she said. You couldn't say anything against her so you just laid down on the bed and tried not to freak out because of all the rumbling and shaking of the ship. But in the end the captain managed it to defeat Krall. It must have been an intense fight as much as you could told by the quick look you gt on him at the med bay. 

 

The doctors kept you at the med bay just to make sure there are no more injuries. Even though they should know if there were any. But you were fine with that it gave you some minutes in peace again. You couldn't even tell how many days have passed so far. At least it was the day after but it also could be more. Just in the moment you closed your eyes again the door slid open. First you assumed it was the doctor again but when there was no one talking you got curious and opened your eyes again. But instead of the doctor there was another person standing at your bed side. 

 

“Did I woke you up?” Even if your eyes would be still closed you would have known who was talking to you. Never would you forget the sound of this beautiful voice with this little accent.

 

“No I wasn't sleeping yet” A little smile gt on your lips while looking at the face of Pavel. He looked worried but there was also a smile on his lips. You could tell that he was happy to see you alive and well. 

 

“I vas worried about you. That I...lost you again” his voice got a little bit sad. “We 'ported you on ze Franklin vith ze first crew members. You were out. I zought...but zen Ensign Thomas said you were injured and lost your consciousness...”

 

“I'm sorry...I thought I was just tired...but my body needed the rest I guess.” You gave him a big smile and took his hand. “I'm fine thanks to you, Pavel” Maybe it wasn't just on him but he was part of it that you were safe now. He said nothing just gave you the most wonderful smile. Again you felt so happy to have him back into your life. Your little Russian sunshine. Once he was a little boy, too young to be loved by you. But now it was different, something felt different but You couldn't say what it was.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone who is still reading this: thank you for keeping the patience! I know that I hardly post new chapters but I try my best to write as much as possible. And as much as my muse is blessing me.
> 
> I would like to know from a few more of you what you think of this fic and what I should make better.

Gladly you were born into the 23rd century. The health system was so much better than in the 20th or even earlier. You probably wouldn't have died – maybe not after the 18th century – but the healing would have needed way more time than it did now. The doctor said that you had three ribs broken and a mild concussion along with a sprained ankle and bruised thigh bone. But nothing that serious so the doctor just kept you for the night in case they missed something – what he didn't assumed. He just told you to stay out of trouble and to relax a little bit to give your body the right among of time to heal. This shouldn't be that hard therefore you were forced to stay at Yorktown because of the lack of your ship. It's easier to repair a ship than to completely rebuild one. At least in most cases. But it will take some time to finish so you and the crew stayed on Yorktown. Time for you to get to know the crew properly. And time to catch up with Pavel who was sitting right next to your sickbed. 

“So tell me again, what happened at your graduation party?” He said before that something happened but he refused to say anything. But you were too curious to let him get away with that.

“You won't let me get away vith it, don't you?” his laugh sounded and made you smile. “Okay I will tell you. Do you remember this brown haired girl Kaya – that had a crush on me in your opinion?” Of course you could remember her. She was hopelessly in love with Pavel back then but he couldn't see it. She was two years older than Pavel but that wasn't hard at the academy because he was so young back then. He still is compared to your 30 years.   
“We had zis big party like yours but way bigger. She got so wasted like pretty much everyone. We were dancing And then when I vanted to kiss her she had to throw up...” You bit away your laugh because you could imagine what just happened. And you felt sorry for him. “Well...let's say I was...yeah I had to shower after that and the evening was ruined for me.” 

“I'm so sorry Pasha...” You cleared your throat to not laugh. He knew that you tried your best not to laugh so he said that it was okay to do so. But you shook your head. “Wish you had a better evening. More fun. You know. With her in your bed.” Again he started laughing and it confused you a little bit.

“Oh it ended zat way. Like an hour later she came to me. More sober actually. She apologized for vat happened. And well...we had fun.” He turned a little shy and red an looked at the floor. Like he was ashamed of what you thought of him. 

As you just wanted to say something the door slid open and no one other than Leonard McCoy came into your room.

“Good morning, Lieutenant (Y/L/N)! Oh and Mr. Chekov of course you're here too.” He couldn't hide his little grin before he looked down on his PADD. “Good news for you Lieutenant, you're free to go. Everything looks fine. Maybe just keep it easy the next few days.” His eyes met yours in search for agreement. You wouldn't do anything against doctor's orders so you gave him a quick nod. “Especially tonight. There will be a little...yea let's call it a surprise party for the captain. I don't want to see you afterwards in the medbay again because you drank too much or what ever.”

You raised your hands in self defense and smiled. “Promise doc I won't end up here again. I'll just sit there and talk to the crew.” He smiled at you before he excused himself and left. 

After you got properly dressed you and Pavel just got out and took a little walk. And again you were stunned by the beauty of Yorktown. When you looked up you could clearly see the glass globe around this station and at the point of where you were standing there were even buildings left above your head but it looked like a real sky. Like you were on earth. Except you were somewhere in space. 

“It's beautiful isn't it?” you heard someone say. As you looked down you look into the face of a little girl who was in the arms of a familiar Asian guy. “I like this station.”

You couldn't hide a little smile and nodded. “I've never seen something more beautiful.”

“Daddy says you are working with him. I'm Demora!” Friendly you shook her hand.

“It's nice to meet you Demora. I'm (Y/N)!” 

“Good to see you again, Lieutenant!” Her daddy said and as you recognized, Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu helmsman of the Enterprise. 

“Glad to see you too again, Lieutenant!You and Lieutenant Uhura helped a lot to keep me save. I was never really able to thank you.” You smiled at him. “Thank you so much! I owe you!”

He smiled brightly at you and shook his head. “You owe me nothing!” Then he laid his an gently on your shoulder. “Maybe you forgot because the greeting party was quite too short but you're part of the family now! And we keep our family save.”

Tears were making up their way into your eyes. It was hard to swallow them but you forbade yourself to cry right now. A slow but bright smile lit up your face as you told him that it meant so much to you. 

Suddenly you felt a arm around your shoulders and were pulled into an embrace. As you looked to you side Pavel was grinning at you. Your heart made a little jump and you felt a warm feeling spreading through your body. It felt so good to be at his side. And again you had this strange feeling inside you. Something you couldn't yet say what it was.

“Mr. Sulu is right, (Y/N). You're family!” Then he bent a little bit down to your ear and lowered his voice that only you could hear it. “You'we always been my family. And I'm glad to hawe you back!” You couldn't help you smile and the blush. To snuggle closer to is side you put your arm around his waist. It just felt right to be at is side.

You went for a little walk together with Mr. Sulu and his family. His little daughter couldn't stop talking about what she loves about this station and what she loves to do. She was the sweetest girl you've ever met. How would it be to have a girl like her in the future? Probably the most perfect thing that ever could happen to you. But this needed to wait. In your opinion at the age of 30 you were still too young to become a mother. Maybe in a few years after some more missions and a few more experience in space you'd get to the point to becoming a mother.

While walking through the streets of Yorktown you remembered that Doctor McCoy told you that there would be this party for the captain later this afternoon. So you had to excuse yourself from the others to get you something to wear. You stilled had this room here on Yorktown where your stuff was stored but in your opinion you needed something new for this occasion. So you went for a little shopping tour to get you something really nice to impress your new found family.

It was later that evening when you walked to the room Doctor McCoy told you to come. It was some kind of saloon with an open bar and some nice chill areas. And on top you had a stunning view into the workshop of the station. You were one of the first to arrive. After a few minutes you started to chat with some of your colleagues. It was nice to get to know them and their stories.

It wasn't long that you had to wait for Pavel to arrive. He looked so good in is grey sweater that just fit perfectly. You had your problem to take your eyes of him. He really grew into some handsome man. When you were able to look away you notice that you weren't the only one starring at him. A few other crew members – not only women – looked at him with desire and admiration. Not far from you you could hear some woman saying to someone else that she would like to get him into her bed. To be honest you could tell why she said this. He was such a handsome man. Tall, slender but also enough muscles that he didn't look too thin. His hair with these natural curls looked so fluffy and soft that they literally invited to run their fingers through. His blue-grey eyes were like deep pools you want to sink in. They were full of life and happiness. And oh his smile was contagious. Yes you could understand why so many wanted to be with him.

But as you looked again to him you saw that all he could see was you and that he walked straight to you. For the second time today your heart did a little jump and started to race. There was no rational explanation why you reacted this way when it came to him. Okay you haven't seen him in years and he changed a lot on the outside. Maybe this was the reason. 

Pavel let his eyes wander over your body just before he came to a stop a few steps in front of you. A little blush appeared on his cheeks and he smiled shyly.

“Wow you look beautiful!” You could see that he bit his lower lip a little bit but in a way that it wasn't so obvious. Quickly you looked down on you. Nearly in a shy way you stroked over your dress. On your shopping tour earlier that day you found this beautiful forest green dress. It was a simple cut. Just ended a few inches above you knees and was tightly fitting so you curves were shown just fine. 

“Thank you, Pasha! You look handsome in this sweater. It brings your eyes out perfectly!” 

Now it was is turn to blush again and act a little shy. “Does it? Zank you. Vould you like to hawe a drink?” As you nodded the both of you walked to the bar and got a drink. He just got himself a beer while you went with a Moscow Mule. It became your favorite back in Academy after Pavel showed it to you. He smirked at you when you got your drink. Seemed like he also remembered.

Just before you wanted to say cheers the doors opened again and Doctor McCoy and the Captain entered. Everyone was gathering as the doctor gave the sign. After you wished the captain a appy birthday he gave a little speech about everything that just happened and about the loss you've made. Then the little party started.

Of course Pavel wasn't leaving your side. It was like he was attached to you. But you couldn't mind because it felt so good to have him with you. He made it easier to get in touch with the others and talk to them. You noticed that his way to make people laugh hasn't changed. It needed just a few words – and maybe it was just his accent – to light up people's faces and bring out their sweetest and most honest laughs. This was what you truly missed over the years what just came back to you. 

The both of you were sitting on one of the couches and talked about one of you adventures near Saturn when you accidentally lost one of your crew mates in space while he was doing a maintenance on the outside of the USS Robinson. The wire that was holding him to the ship just ripped and the burst mode of his suit wasn't working. So when a little space storm broke came up he was blown away. It took you 6 hours to find and rescue him. 

“You know Kevin was pissed when he was back on the ship that no one checked the suit or the wire. But then when someone gave him some food he was like a little kitten. All sweet and purring.” Laughs broke out of your throats and Pavel was even crying a little bit. Because of Kevin you had always a good laugh on the USS Robinson. He was everyone's little diva but loved by everyone.

“I bet he was always that way?” Pavel said after finding his breath again wiping away his tears.

All you did was nod in agreement. Just as you wanted to say something the Captain appeared in front of you.

“You both seem to enjoy your companies.” He said with a smile on his lips looking between the both of you. Then his eyes stopped at Pavel. “Hope you don't mind that I take Lieutenant (Y/L/N) from you, Mr. Chekov.”

“No of course, keptin!” He looked to you and gave you a sweet little smile. “I'll be here if you want to return.” You nodded and followed the Captain across the room.

“You seem to get along with the rest of the crew well. Especially with Mr. Chekov.”

“Well we're old friends from the Academy and have a lot to catch up to.” He smiled at you with a nod.

“I remember. You two were like inseparable twins. It was hard to get you alone.” 

So he did noticed you back then? Why have you never noticed it? Was it because you were more interested in Keith more than any other? Damn now you regretted it even more that you haven't had anything with Kirk at the Academy. 

“Well that changed when I graduated. Apparently...” You said with a slight smile. “Though I think it will get this way again...somehow in a similar way. Maybe not exactly the same way.”

“It's good to see my crew happy. So as long as you both keep doing your work everything should be fine.” 

You chatted a little more about your former work at the USS Robinson and about your lives in general. That's how you came to talk about your dads. Both of them have been good friends. You dad told you a lot of stories about his time with George Kirk and on the USS Kelvin. Your mothers also have been not only working together but been also close friends. At least on their time on the USS Kelvin and the time before. Your mother left when she had discovered she'd been pregnant with you. With the destruction of the Kelvin and so the death of George Kirk, the friendship ended. Your mom tried to reach to Winona Kirk but nothing came back. George Kirk became your childhood hero therefore he was the reason you father was still alive. Sadly since then you father hasn't been able to walk because of a paraplegia he sustained. But he lived and he was glad about that. So were you. 

A little later Kirk asked you for a dance. How could you even think about saying no to him? So you followed him in the dance floor and started to dance with him. It was enjoyable slow and somehow was it a kind of familiar feeling. But you knew that you've never danced with him before, haven't you?

“It's like the one time we danced together, don't you think?” Kirk said after some time. Confused you look him into the eyes. When did have you danced with him? You had to looked as confused as you were because he started to laugh a little. “You can't remember, do you?”

“I'm sorry but no. Can you jog my memory?”

“The party before your graduation ceremony. You were pretty drunk this evening. I kept you from falling to the ground.” Oh no, he was that guy, wasn't he? The sudden realization hit you hard. Though all you could remember were these bright blue eyes. The same which where looking right into yours right now. He was the guy who'd saved you from hitting the ground. He was the guy you'd spent the night with. Oh no, you had had sex with your now captain and couldn't even remember a thing. “Do you remember now?”

“Y-yes. Some parts.” The memory of the night with him made you shiver from sensation. That night was hot and pure pleasure now that you thought of it. In the years you wished to have this night again. You couldn't hide the blush that came from the heat rising inside you. 

Slowly Kirk bent down to your ear and whispered into it. “My guess is that you just remembered what happened after we danced a little bit. It's probably inappropriate to ask for this because your now part of my crew but...is there any chance you want to...repeat this night? I haven't had a chance for the morning round back then...” Your heart was beating fast. A shiver went down your spine. A sudden heat spread through your lower body. Your body took the decision for you.

“Maybe it is...” You said with a low voice and bit down on your lip. “But I wouldn't say no.” The smirk Kirk gave you couldn't been brighter. A short nod from him before he led you out of the room and to is quarters. When you left the room you could swear that you felt some kind of ache in your heart. It was just for a brief moment that you instantly forgot about it as you entered Kirk's quarter and felt his lips on yours.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation for the Russian parts at the end of the chapter

As you left Captain Kirk's quarter you were more than satisfied. Last night was more than just pleasing so was this morning. Both of you just agreed that this was the last time you would sleep together. Otherwise it would complicated your work together. So you left his quarter early to get some breakfast at one of the little cafes. 

You took one of the seats at the front to watch the people on the outside. That was something you really liked, watching people doing their stuff. It was always amusing to see what people do when they thought no one is watching. All these strangers walking past the cafe without even look inside, probably rushing towards work. Then there appeared this very familiar face. Immediately you knocked at the window to get his attention. When he looked at you you waved him inside. After a few moments this person sat down in front of you and smiled at you.

“Доброе утро (Dobroye utro)!“ Hearing Russian again was strange but never did you forget how to speak it or what it meant. Pavel had been the perfect teacher.

“Доброе утро (Dobroye utro)! Hope you slept well.”

“Zank you. I zink you did. Saw you leaving wiz ze Keptin...” His voice lowered at the end and the smile on his face faded a little. You clearly saw his disappointment and hurt. And you felt it too. 

“Pasha....” You started but he just shook his head.

“It's fine...I mean the Keptin is a good guy. Bet it was a good night for you.” The struggle to find the right words was eating you up. Why was this hurting him? You could clearly see that he wasn't happy about the fact that you slept with your captain. Was it possible that-?

“Pasha...are you...are you still...in love with...me?” The way he flinched was more than any word could say. Like it was on the night he first had told you about his feelings your heart clenched because of the hurt. Nothing has changed over the years. His feelings for you were still there. And again you hurt him with your actions. This time you haven't run away. No this time you stabbed him right into his heart with walking away with Kirk while he was watching. 

“I hawe to go. Wanted to eat with Mr. Sulu and his family...” He stood up that instant and walked away. You wanted to grab his arm and make him stop but he was faster than you. So all you could do was watching him walk away. Shoulders hanging down. His eyes on the ground. And his heart obviously broken. Again.

You felt awful. Again. You head sank into your hands. Deep breath should kept you from starting to cry. They helped but the thoughts didn't stop running trough your mind. And your heart. Your heart didn't stop to hurt so bad. What have you done wrong in your life that it was punishing you over and over again with hurting the man you called your friend for so long and who you held so dear in your heart?

The time passed while you were sitting there overthinking the whole situation. How much passed was unknown to you. You didn't raised your head when the waitress came over to ask if everything was alright and if you wanted more coffee. You didn't raised you head when some girl screamed because her dad surprised her with a big birthday gift. But you raise it when someone took the seat in front of you in silence. 

You had to blink a few times to get a clear view because your eyes couldn't take the light after be closed for so long. But when it cleared you looked right into the face of Nyota Uhura. And of course next to her was sitting Commander Spock. A little smile appeared on your lips.

“Good morning, Commander! And good morning, Lieutenant!” you said in a friendly tone.

“Good morning, Lieutenant (Y/L/N)! Hope it is not outrageous of us that we just sat down without your permission.” Spock said and you were wondering when they asked you because you couldn't remember hearing someone talking to you.

“No, it's totally fine!” You smiled at both of them. As far as you knew the both of them had been a couple for a few years now. It was kind of strange to see a Vulcan like Spock being with a fierce and strong woman like Uhura. Therefore who else than Uhura could handle a man like Spock. Even though you barely knew both of them yet you knew that they were perfect for each other. You knew that they were soulmates, they were one of the few lucky people in this universe who found their perfect match. It was something that made you a little bit jealous.

“Why are you here all by yourself? Thought that Chekov would be by your side like he was the past day. He never stopped talking about you yesterday when you and the Captain talked.” Hearing Uhura say the name of your best friend made you flinch a little. You hoped that neither of them saw it.

“He was here briefly. But he was invited by Mr. Sulu and his family and I....I didn't wanted to interrupt.” It was such a lie and you knew it. They wouldn't feel that way and they wouldn't exclude you. Because you belonged to the Enterprise now. 

Maybe you could try to lie to yourself but you couldn't lie to the both people sitting at your table. By the way both of them arched their eyebrows you could tell that they didn't bought your lie. Uhura looked from you at Spock and whispered something into his ear. He looked a little bit confused first but then he rose with nod and excused himself before leaving the cafe.

Uhura waited a few moments and watched her boyfriend walk away. Then she turned to you again. Her expression filled with worries.

“I know we don't know each other well yet....but is there anything you want to talk about, sweetheart?” You pressed your lips together until there was nothing left but a thin line. On the USS Robinson you haven't had a real good friend to talk about your problems. You had friends yes but your problems had always been your problems. In this years you missed your old friend Hannah. After your graduation the contact with her got lost. Once you two met when both of your ships stopped at the same planet. It was a nice reunion and a wonderful long evening with chatting and laughing. But after that you've never heard of her personally. 

Now Uhura was looking at you, waiting for your answer. Offering a friendly ear. Acting like a friend would do. But was it right to talk to a nearly stranger about what is bothering you? You barely knew her so why should she care about the fact that you feel horrible about hurting Pavel again? 

“It's totally fine if you don't want to talk about. I just want to let you know that I'm here for you. If you ever need someone to talk to. If you ever need a friend apart from Chekov. And if you want to we can talk about something different. Just to clear your mind.” She smiled at you warmly. It was such a kindness that you couldn't decline it.

“If it's okay I would like to take a walk.” With another smile she nodded and left the cafe along with you. You walked a few meters in silence. Just took your surrounding area in. When you just passed a little park like area you couldn't keep silent anymore.

“You know he and I became close friends at the Academy straight from the beginning. Even though he started a year later than me and was so much younger.” You knew that you didn't have to say his name to make Uhura understand who you were talking about. “He made me laugh all the time. He was still a child back then and of course he acted like one. But he always managed to take my mind off if necessary. He was one of the few who knew that I had such a fear of test and exams and he was one of the even fewer ones who were able to take this from me.” He'd always calmed you in a way that you couldn't explain. It was like he'd went inside you and just cut it out. No one ever had managed to get you as calm as he'd done. 

“On the day before my finals he gave me this little matryoshka as a lucky charm. It was the sweetest thing I've ever got. I still have it. Gives me luck all the time when I need it.” The thought of this little wooden figure made you smile.

“That's really a sweet gesture of him.”

“It is.” Suddenly your smile was fading. You thoughts got to the day of your exams. To the party that night. To the kiss. And to the first time he told you what you really meant to him. And then to just a few hours ago when you broke it again. The thought about it made your heart ache again.

“(Y/N), what happened between yesterday and now?” She wasn't stupid. She knew that what ever was up with you had to do with Pavel. But wasn't it too private, too intimate to talk with her about it? Being totally honest to yourself you knew that you had to get this of your chest.

So you took a deep breath and then a second one before you spitted out what was killing you inside. “I slept with the captain.” You didn't need to look at her to see her confused expression. You could feel it.

“But wh-” She started but the the realization hit her and a surprised sound escaped her throat. “He is in love with you!” And there it was again. The reality that made it so hard for you to breath. That made your heart ache like never before. Hearing it from someone else, someone who wasn't actually involved in this mess, was even harder. And even though you tried really hard you couldn't stop your tears this time. You couldn't swallow them anymore so you gave in and let them running down your face. 

Uhura didn't hesitated and took you in her arms. With soft and steady strokes she petted the back of your head. But she didn't say anything, knowing that you just needed this comfort right now. You didn't know how long the two of you were standing there with you crying in her arms but when your tears were dried up and your sobs stopped, you slowly got out of her embrace.

“You feel better now?” She asked softly with a kind smile on her lips. All you could do was to nod. Didn't really trust your voice. “Good! You wanna talk about it a little more?” You could hear it in her voice that she didn't want to put on some pressure just wanted to make sure you know that she was there for you. Again you nodded and pointed to a bench nearby to sit down. It took you some minutes to finally be able to speak again.

“He confessed to me at the party after my finals. I was so surprised and shocked that I ran away. Right into the bed of someone else. As I now know in the arms of James T. Kirk. Even though after a few days we talked again and he said he was okay I knew he wasn't. I broke his heart into tiny little pieces back then. And yesterday I slept with the captain again and he saw us walking away. I haven't told him but he knew what happened. I...I wasn't aware of the possibility that he may still have feelings for me. Again I broke his heart in such a brutal way. It wasn't my intention. He doesn't deserve this.”

“No he doesn't. But maybe if you explain everything to him....maybe he understands. Maybe he just needs time.”

“Haven't been 5 years enough time?” A heavy sigh. “I tried to explain it to him but that was when he got up and left. Saying he needed to get to Sulu. I was so happy to have him back. Now I'm back to the point where we parted. And it hurts. It hurts so bad.”

“Give him some time and then talk to him again. Tell him how you feel about this whole situation. I know that he will understand.” She was right. Maybe some days of rest will be what he need and then you two could talk properly about everything.

-

It's been two weeks since the birthday party of Kirk. Two weeks you haven't had the chance to talk to Pavel. Both of you were quite busy. While the whole crew had to stay on Yorktown while your ship was rebuild, Starfleet had occupied you with different tasks. You for yourself had helped to get a specific map of Altamid and the nebula around it. They wanted a map that was as detailed as possible. Sadly all your records were destroyed along with the Enterprise. So it took longer as you wished but it was all possible.

It was the first day you got off after working for nearly two weeks straight. You thought it was time to treat yourself with something really nice so you decided to get you some of the famous Ice Cream Shop here at Yorktown with thousand of flavors. After you got some scoops of strawberry, coffee and licorice flavored ice cream you decided to sit down on a bench in the park and enjoy your day. 

“(Y/N)?” You heard someone calling your name. Quickly you looked around to find the person to the voice. And as your eyes found the person your heart skipped a beat. It was the first time since two weeks that you saw Pavel again. He stood a few feet away, a shy smile on his lips and an ice cream in his hand. You missed seeing him. And he looked good in this black shirt with a jeans jacket and the tight black jeans. 

“привет (Privet), Pasha!“ You said and smiled at him. “Wanna sit down?” With a quick nod he took the last few steps to you and sat down next to you.

“Seems like we had ze same idea.” He pointed to your ice cream and laughed a little bit. You couldn't help but had to grin a little bit.

“Just not with the flavors. What did you got? Chocolate, lemon and....looks like the rest of green apple?”

“I'm impressed. What have you? Strawberry and what are these others?”

“Coffee and licorice!” When you saw him contract his brows you offered him your ice cream. “Wanna taste? It's really delicious!” He hesitated but then he bend forward and rolled out his tongue to take a taste of each flavor. The satisfying sound that came out of him sent shivers down your spine. It seemed like he enjoyed the taste very much.

“You're right. It is delicious!” He looked into your face and smiled softly. “I've missed you. Sorry that I was so busy this last week.”

“I was busy too, so it wasn't all on you. Starfleet can't see us having too much free time I guess.” Both of you started laughing. “But I've missed you too.” A few minutes passed without anybody saying anything. Both of you were searching for the right words. Speaking for yourself you were quite nervous. You were thinking a lot lately about what happened between you two. Every time you started to think about Pavel a warm feeling spread through your body. Sometimes you even got the feeling that you could feel him beside you with all his love. 

Pavel was the first one who found his voice again. He dropped his ice cream and looked on the ground. “Listen...about two weeks ago...I'm sorry that I run. And that I kind of made you feel bad even though I didn't have the right to.”

Instantly you shook your head. He was wrong about that. “I'm sorry. Actually I should have considered your feelings. I should have noticed what you still feel for me.” You looked at him waiting for him to look at you too. He was biting his lip and fight with himself. You could clearly see that. And you wanted to calm him somehow. “So many girls that fancy you and you still have eyes for me. I'm feeling overwhelmed. No one ever was this stubborn like you, моя маленькая (moya malen'kaya) Pasha!” Playfully you nudged him at his side. He couldn't help up started to grin and turned to you.

“You're someone really special, мое солнышко (moye solnyshko). Too bad for the others who don't see that.” His eyes met yours and this time you couldn't help put smile at him. And your heart just made a little jump at the nick name he gave you. Just by this you could tell what you meant for him.

“Yea too bad for them.” Slowly you reached out to lay your hand on his. Your smile grew bigger as he turned his hand to close it over yours. “We're still best friends?”

“Nozing in zis life could change that. Even not if you and the keptin are dating.” You couldn't help but laughing. Was he really thinking you and Kirk are actually dating.

“Oh dear, no. Jim and I aren't dating. It was a one time thing.” It was better to not tell him that the two of you hooked up back at the time at the Academy. Not yet. “He is just our captain for me on duty. Off duty he became a friend. Haven't I told you years ago that our dads have been friends for years? It kind of rubbed off on us.” Now he was also started laughing. This tension between you just loosened. Gladly.

“Except I bet your dads didn't had sex vith each other.” You burst into a loud laugh a long with him. Now you had an image in your head you never ever wanted to have. 

You sat there together, finishing your ice cream and talking. All the time you didn't let go of his hand. You didn't know why you couldn't let go but to be honest you didn't want to. He was stroking your hand with his thumb an calmed you with that. As you finished your ice cream you laid your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. His scent got into your nose and it was like it flicked a switch in your head. As you were calm and all by yourself in your thoughts, your thoughts were now spinning around Pavel. Not just himself but the both of you in bed. Naked. A bright blush lit up your face. Why did you suddenly had such thoughts about Pavel? And why did they arouse you so much?

Pavel never stopped stroking you hand but he got you out of your thoughts by raising his voice again. “You want to walk a little bit? My feet are slowly falling asleep.” Quickly you sat up and nodded.

“I'd love to!” Immediately you stood up, taking a deep breath to steady your racing heart and get rid off the heat on your cheeks, before you turned around to smile at him. He stood up with a smile on his face. When you started to walk he took your hand again. And again a warm feeling spread through your body and calmed you. A feeling like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Доброе утро (Dobroye utro) - Good morning  
> моя маленькая (moya malen'kaya) - my little  
> мое солнышко (moye solnyshko) - my sunshine


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. This is the last chapter. I'm a little bit sad that this story found it's end. But it was a long journey to get here. Too long sadly.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and my mistakes weren't as bad as it seems to me. Friendly reminder at this point that English ist not my mother tongue. And I tend to make mistakes.
> 
> I would like to say thank you to the kudos and the few comments. Thank you very much for it! This means a lot to me!
> 
> At the end I have a tiny little wish: maybe if you have a few minutes it would help me if you could leave a comment on how you think the story was and if it was good to read or found some mistakes. Thank you very much!

The weeks passed, the Enterprise was nearly rebuild. Over these weeks you got closer to the crew because all of you'd met frequently at a bar to chat if you not met through your work at the station. Uhura and you've got the closest. You've became really close friends and you were really happy about that.

It was one of these nights you met with the whole crew at the bar, having some drinks and fun. You were sitting along with Uhura, Scotty and Sulu at a table. Scotty was talking about something Keenser happened a few days ago while they worked on the Enterprise. The poor one got sick again and refused to see the doctor even though it was obvious that he had a high fever. So it happened that Scotty had to catch him in a 'very 21st century movie worth move' (his words) before he would have fell down several meters – from what you assumed would have been just like 3 meters, but you didn't want to ruin his heroic story. Since then Keenser was tied up in med bay and wasn't allowed to leave for about another two days. 

Sadly Pavel wasn't able to attend this evening with you because he was sent on a little mission at the side of Kirk and Spock to escort some important Andorian politician from Yorktown to a nearer planet for some negotiations with their population. He was just gone for a few days but you missed him already. As you found the solid ground for you friendship again and built an even stronger friendship than before, you couldn't help but being constantly by his side and missing him even just minutes after you had to separate. The others joked about you two being like one person actutally.

But by all the saying that you were just friends and acted like them, something between the two of you changed. It was strange that you somehow knew how Pavel was feeling some times. When he was down without showing it you knew. When he was overwhelmed by your sheer present you knew. And you gave him just what he needed. Whether it was a friendly ear, a shoulder to cry on or some space. You gave it to him just because you knew he needed it. It was just a mystery to you how this was actually possible.

As Sulu and Scotty were about to get a new round of drinks Uhura leaned into you with a little smile. “You miss him, aren't you?” 

You looked at her a little bit confused. Of course she knew what was going on inside you. Sometimes you thought that she was able to read your mind because it seemed like she knew more than you. “How is it possible you be so calm with Spock not by your side? And I mean...Pavel is just my friend.”

The smirk appearing on her face made you even more confused. But you knew that smirk it was often followed by a 'Sure you're just friends?'. Not this time. “I just do. You know, over the years the bond between me and Spock grew quite strong. So strong that it allows us to send just short little telepathic messages to know the other is alright. It's rare that soulmates are able to do that and it takes sometimes decades to develop this power but here we are. Whenever he feels that I need comfort by him he reaches out to me.” She was right, not every soulmate couple was able to do this. As far as you knew it not only needed a strong bond between the two but also one part must been capable of telepathy. Spock as a Vulcan was.

“Wish I had something similar...” You admitted with a shy smile. You know that its was really rare to find you soulmate. But you knew that it was possible.

“Just take a look to what you have. Chekov is mad about you. All you have to do is to let it happen.” 

“I'm not in lo...” You stopped yourself in midsentence. Suddenly you felt this warm feeling inside combined with some excitement. Where was this coming from?

“(Y/N), everything okay?” Quickly you shook your head to get you out of this thought.

“Uhm, yea. Sorry just got this strange feeling. But it's okay and gone.” Whatever it was again you needed to focus. “As I wanted to say I'm not in love with him so it won't happen. We're just friends and will always be.”

Gladly the both men came back before Uhura could say anything against your statement. It was a topic you liked to avoid because it made you feel a little bit uncomfortable. So the drinks Sulu was arranging right in front of your were just the perfect distraction you needed. Immediately you took one glass and raised it. “To this wonderful evening and never ending alcohol!” The other started to laugh but raised their glasses too. With one gulp you emptied you glasses.

“I see my crew knows how to get themselves off!” A familiar voice shouted from the entrance of the bar. The four of you turned your heads toward it. But actually that wasn't necessary because you all knew that it could have been only one person. It was your captain. And by his side was Spock. You felt your heart sinking because there was no sign of Pavel. Disappointment spread through your veins followed by worries that something happened. But wouldn't Kirk otherwise look heavy-hearted or so?

The both of them walked towards your table. Spock took immediately the empty seat next to Uhura, while Kirk took the one next to Scotty. With a bright smile he looked at all of you. “Hope you all are still in for more drinks. Sorry that we arrive so late but well the flight back wasn't very pleasant.”

As you stood up to excuse you because you wanted to leave – not saying that you wanted to look for Pavel – you stepped exactly next to your seat when someone was arriving so that you nearly run into them. “Oh sorry!” Gladly to your and their reflexes there was no bumping into each other. It would been a mess because their were having a lot of drinks on a serving trail.

When you looked up to the person you felt your heart jumping again. Damn heart why was it always doing this? It was just Pavel, even though the sight of him made you really happy. Maybe you could trow your intention to looking for him over.

“You're leaving?” He said with a questioning look.

“Uhm no I just...uhm needed to use the restroom” You lied though you know that at least Uhura wouldn't buy this accuse. With a smile he stepped aside so you could pass. Quickly you took the way to the restrooms. You looked into the mirror and wondered what just happened these past weeks with you. More and more you found yourself thinking of Pavel when he wasn't by your side. When he was your heart was beating so fast. You could tell that you were not in any way inn love with him. Shaking you head you splashed some water into your face and took a deep breath. Then you left the restroom again and headed for your table.

All of them were laughing. In the absence of empty seats Pavel took yours. When you came nearer he made the attempt to stand up for you but you gestured towards him that he should keep on his seat. Quite natural you sat down on his lap and smiled at him. “You don't mind, do you?” As he smiled at you and laid his hand down at your hip to keep you from falling down all he did was nodding. You laid one of your arms around his shoulder and neck and smiled back. “Glad that you're back!” A slightly cough came from across the table. You turned your head to look at Kirk. “Of course I'm also glad that you're back, Jim!” Everyone started laughing again. 

“That's good. For a tiny moment I thought my Stellar Cartographer doesn't care about me.” Kirk joked and raised his glass. “To this wonderful crew I call my family! Cheers!” All of you raised your glasses and drank. 

The night was so much fun with the guys joking around and you and Uhura rocking the dance floor. The more you drank the more loose you became. The glaces some males gave you and Uhura didn't bother you anymore, the both of you ignored them and just had a wonderful time. The only glance you couldn't ignore was Pavel's. It was the only glance you wanted to feel on you right now. And to keep it on you you caught yourself some times that you put on a little show for him. It wasn't probably the best - thinking about his feelings for you – but you couldn't help wanting his attention. The fault for this was only on him. Why didn't he changed out of the formal uniform he was wearing? It made him look so damn good and handsome. More than once you found yourself checking him out and biting your lip. You blamed the alcohol for this, being sure that if you would be sober you wouldn't act that way.

One by one the others left until it was just Kirk, Pavel and you. Though there were now plenty of empty seats you decided to keep on sitting in Pavel's lap. It was way more comfortable than any seat. And he wasn't complaining so what. But the time came that tiredness overwhelmed you and you had a hard time to keep awake. It wasn't unnoticed by the two others so they called it a night and left the bar.

Of course Pavel didn't let you walk home by yourself so he insisted to bring you to your quarter. What a gentleman he was. So perfect. When you reached your quarter he even came inside with you. You turned on the light just enough that you could see where to walk but low enough to not let it blind you. It gave your room a strange atmosphere. When you turned to look at Pavel you could swear that the air got hotter. In the pale light he looked even better than at the bar. The outlines of his face got more defined and hard. His eyes seemed to glow. It felt like something was magically pulling you towards him. But you resisted. Kind of.

“What in the name of god did I've done to deserve you in my life?” You whispered, not sure if he was able to hear. “You're too perfect, too precious for this word. I don't deserve to have you in my life because I'm such a horrible person.” Even though it was so dark in the room you could see his face tensing up than soften again. His hand reached out to lay down on your check, slowly stroking. 

“You're not horrible.” He was wrong. Maybe he couldn't see or didn't wanted to. But you were hurting him all the time. You could see it, feel it. You provoked it tonight at the bar while you were dancing just for him. While sitting on his lap, your hand in his hair. You played with his feelings although you didn't want to.

“Why me? Why do you love me, Pasha? There are so many women out there. So many who are way better than me. Who don't hurt you. Why me?” When he wanted to disagree you laid a finger on his lips to hush him. You weren't finished yet. Maybe the alcohol made you saying things you always kept for yourself. “And why can't I get away from you? Why are you always on my mind since you came back into my life? Stop being there. I get head aches because you're permanently in there. Stop making me confused by it. Stop making my heart pounding so hard in my chest. Stop making me feel these strange things.” Your finger left his lips, wandering down his chin along his jawline. Down his throat. Over his chest. Playing with the Starfleet badge. “Why didn't you changed before you came to the bar? This uniform was way to overdressed for it. It makes you sexier than you should be. It makes me wanting to get it off you so bad. And I shouldn't feel this way. You're my best friend.”

Slowly you looked up to him. The expression in his eyes took your breath. His eyes were screaming at you full of hunger and lust but also full of love. Automatically you're thighs pressed together as if they could stop the warm, wet feeling that spread through your lower body. The alcohol may had given you the strength to speak your mind but your body was reacting all by itself. 

Minutes passed without no one of you saying anything. You kept staring into each others eyes. All the talking was done. There were no words left to say. Without you doing anything you body started moving towards Pavel. One step towards him was needed to stand right in front of him. Your breast touching his chest. Your hand which was laying on the badge on his chest was moving upward, curling around his neck. He was not so much bigger than you but enough for you to get on your toes while you were dragging him down. It took just a split second then your lips touched. 

First the kiss was sweet nearly shy. Then it grew more wilder, hungrier. Pavel put his arms around your waist, brought you more to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck to pull yourself closer to him. There had been many first kisses in your life before but non has felt like this. Somehow you felt like you were flying high above the clouds. Everything spun around you. You started to feel dizzy. You really needed to get some air so you broke the kiss. Neither of you opened their eyes for several moments. Afraid of losing this magical moment. Then you slowly open yours seeing that Pavel did just the same. Even in this pale light you could see that his cheeks were flushed. The sight of it made you arouse even more. You couldn't hide your desire anymore.

“I want you”It came harshly out of your mouth. You wanted to kiss him again but this time it was him stopping you. Backing off you looked at him with confusion. Was there anything you did wrong? It wasn't possible that he didn't want you because it was obvious. 

“This is something I was dreaming of for so long” His confession sounded like there was something unsaid in it. Something you didn't want to hear. He put a hand on your head to let run through your hair. “You can't imagine how long. But you're drunk and I don't want to take advantage of it.” Another pause. His eyes drifted of to his hand which was still running through your hair. Actually you didn't feel drunk anymore. You felt much more sober after this kiss. The only drunk you were was drunk on him. But when he looked at you again you knew that the moment between was over. “You should go to sleep. And if you still want this in the morning when you're sober, I'll be waiting for you. Like I always do.” His last words were more a whisper than speaking out loud. 

Without any other word he lead you to your bed, helped you out of your dress and into a way more comfortable sleeping shirt. When you laid down on your bed he gently covered you with you blanket. He kissed your temple before wishing you good night. 

Just before he was about to leave you raised your voice again and called out for him: “Stay!” You weren't sure it was loud enough for him to hear because you drifted into a deep sleep right away. 

\- 

After a few hours you woke up with a little head ache. The hangover wasn't as bad as you expected. Laying there in bed, staring at the ceiling you thought about what happened last night. You had a lot of fun and alcohol. A few jokes by Scotty or Kirk came to your mind and made you grin. And then there was a lot of dancing with Uhura. And there was Pavel. You sitting in his lap, running you fingers through his hair. Him escorting you home. His hungry eyes. And then the kiss. A moan escaped your throat by the sheer thought about it. His lips have been so soft but rough at the same time. His tongue in your mouth had been perky. His arm around your waist that'd pulled you as close as possible. You'd wanted him so bad, you'd been so wet for him. But he'd been the wiser one of you. Had pushed you away even if it has been obvious that he wanted you so bad too. 

You sat up, seeing that the bed next to you was empty. Disappointment spread out inside you. So he didn't stayed. Of course he didn't. Probably the torture would have been to much for him. But he said that if you still wanted him in the morning he'd be there waiting. Why did he always torture himself with such a promise? He should have walked away from his feelings a long time ago. It would have been the best for him. You weren't good for him. 

Slowly you got out of bed. Your dress was neatly rested on the stool nearby your bed. But there was something else. You walked towards it to get a better look just to discover it was the uniform Pavel was wearing last night. Was he still here? The sound of steady breathing was the instant answer to that unspoken question. When you walked around to your living area and the couch standing there you found him sleeping on it. He wasn't wearing more than a Tshirt and boxer briefs. The thin blanket he probably used to cover himself was laying half on the ground and was twined around his legs. So he did stayed. But as a gentleman as he was he kept his distance to you presumable because it could have been that you regret what happened the night before. Smiling you shook your head because he was really the sweetest guy in this universe. 

You really should regret what happened but somehow you just felt happy. And truth to be told you knew the reason of it. Whatever made you push the fact aside that you had actual feelings for is guy. Not the feelings you had for you best friend. No you actually liked him a lot more than a friend. At some point and you don't know when you really fell in love with him. How could you have been so blind? Even after Uhura pointed it out to you so many times. You've been such a dumb-ass. 

Slowly you got on your knees in front of him and watched him sleeping for a while. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. His hair was a mess, his Tshirt was a little bit shove up so his abs where visible and this little trail of darker hair which disappeared into his boxer briefs. You had to bit down on your lip to not moan at this view especially at the sight of his slightly arousal. How was it possible that you resisted him for so long? 

Gently you started to run your fingers through his hair. They felt so soft . With a quiet grunt Pavel started to wake up. Wrinkles appeared between his eyebrows and on his forehead before he slowly opened his eyes. After he blinked a few times to see properly he turned his head towards you. A tired but happy smile came into sight. 

“Vat time is it?” His voice was still a little bit throaty from sleep. Did he always sound like this when he wakes up? You hoped so because it sounded good combined with his Russian accent. 

“I don't know. Probably still to early to get up. But I had enough sleep to sober up...” You eyes were searching for his, looking for a reaction before you continued. “I hope you're still up for your offer.” It took some time for him to put the words together and realize the meaning behind them. As his eyes grew big you knew that he got it. He slowly got up keeping his eyes on you. They were asking you silently if you were absolutely sure. All you could do was giving a quick nod before getting up, straddling him and kissed him with all that desire you felt. His arms came around you, pulling you closer while petting you back. Your heart burst into flames because of the pleasure you felt. 

Moans escaped both of your throats as you started to roll your hips in his lap, his arousal clearly growing bigger. Both of you were very hungry and not really patient at the moment. You broke the kiss and nearly at the same time pulled of Pavel's shirt as he done with yours. It was very surprising how fast he undid your bra and tossed it away to your shirt. He bent down to take one of you nipple into his mouth. He sucked at it briefly before he let his tongue to lick at it. You let a little scream get out. A hand of yours gripped automatically in his hair. How was it possible that he pushed you just the right way the first time? It was like he knew exactly what you needed and wanted. 

Your hips started to move a little faster in need. His groan sent a shiver down your you spine. You got up just enough to get a hand between the two of you and grab his dick through the fabric of his boxer briefs. Stroking him fast and hard just before he laid his hands on your hips, lifted you up just to press you down on the couch. A surprised gasp came off you. You were on the edge and you needed him right now. And by the look in his eyes he was exactly the same. So you got up to pull down his boxer briefs with his help. In a blink he also helped you out of your panties and spread your legs. Then he hesitated and looked at you. You could tell that he wanted to make sure that it was really what you wanted. 

“Pasha, пожалуйста (pozhaluysta)! I need you right now!” Your begging came out harshly. He nodded before he bent down and kissing you wild. As you wrapped your arms around his neck, he carefully he pushed inside you. Instinctively you dug your nails into his back. The feeling of him inside you was nothing you ever felt before. It was like he fit perfectly, like your body was made just for him. Both of you moaned loudly when he pushed fully inside you. For a brief moment he just stayed in this position, looking into your eyes. You did the same with a smile on your face. This moment was just perfect. 

Slowly Pavel began to pull out of you just to push back inside. Again you moaned loudly. It felt so good having him inside you. You began to move against him. It took you some time to find a common pace but as you did it started to feel even better for both of you. Never had you such a pleasure while having sex with someone. Everything seemed to be better with Pavel. Way better. 

You were looking into each others eyes while riding each other towards your climaxes. It wouldn't last much longer. Pavel again bent down to you to kiss you quickly and the kissed down your throat and neck. You laid your head on the side to give him more space. His strokes got more rapid and hard as the nearer you came your climaxes. 

And then he did something you haven't expected. He bit down on the space between you neck and shoulder. The pain running through you body hurt but also gave you some extra pleasure. You dug your nails again into his back surely leaving some marks. But it was the only way to ease the other feeling that suddenly rose inside you. It was like something inside you loosened and connected to something inside Pavel. It was like you were becoming one. And so felt your climax. You came along with Pavel in a way you never experienced. 

When he let got of the part he just bit down to, he gently kissed it. You tried to steady your breath as Pavel did. Exhaustion made him lay own on you a little bit, trying not to lay to much weight on you. Your hands rested on his back slightly petting him. You were exhausted as he was but also so damn pleased. Slowly you brain started to work up what just happened just moments before you came. You knew that you read something about that. But what was it? Then it came to you like thunderstruck. You couldn't help but started laughing.

When you were just a little child your mother has told you stories of princesses who found their princes and lived happily ever after. You'd loved these stories even though you'd known that they weren't real. But she also told you stories of real people who'd lived life better than any fairy tale. People who said they'd found their soulmates. When you were just a little child you'd believed in these stories even your father had laughed at you and told you on and on that the were just modern fairy tales people had started to tell because they had got tired of the old ones.

Now at the age of 30 you found out the truth. These weren't just fairy tales. These stories about soulmates were true. Uhura told you she found hers in Spock years ago. Even though you heard her stories about this you still had a hard time to really believe it that it was true. 

Now at the age of 30 you laid next to your best friend. After all this time and the fighting against your actual feelings, you let it happen and found happiness. The greatest happiness you could found. Because you found your soulmate in Pavel Andreievich Chekov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> пожалуйста (pozhaluysta - Bitte


End file.
